Well meaning meddlers -- how to deal with them

(LifeWire) -- As the mother of a toddler, Stephanie Delger has learned how to pick her battles.
That's why, during a trip to the grocery store a few months ago, the 25-year-old Bozeman, Montana, freelance writer decided to give her son Joshua a cookie when she sensed a tantrum coming on.
But as it turned out, he wasn't the one she would butt heads with that day.
Delger happened to be sharing the aisle with a woman of around 60, who watched as Joshua grew cranky and attempted to stand up in the cart. When Delger mollified him with the cookie, the woman offered some unsolicited advice.
"She started lecturing me and telling me I shouldn't give in to tantrums and that I should have taken him outside and spanked him," Delger says.
Then, the woman did the unthinkable: She took the cookie away from Joshua, who was only 14 months old at the time.
"His little face just crumpled," says Delger, who decided to give the woman some advice of her own. "I told her [that her] behavior was completely out of line and that it was ridiculous. Her advice was unnecessary and unappreciated."
Mother and son then left the scene, and Joshua got a new cookie -- and a balloon -- as consolation.
Cindy Post Senning, a director of the Emily Post Foundation and, like her great-grandmother, an etiquette expert, says not only did Delger do the right thing in this situation, but that the same tactics should be applied to similar run-ins.
"You want to extricate yourself from that negative situation as quickly and easily as you can," says Senning. "What you don't want to do is get confrontational."
When 'advice' hurts
Well-meaning meddlers are one thing, but sometimes advice-givers can come across as just plain rude. Dani Nordin, 32, a Web and graphic designer in Watertown, Massachusetts, is still fuming about the "advice" she received from a former boyfriend.
"A few years ago, I had lost a considerable amount of weight -- over 40 pounds -- and had recently started dating a guy who lived in my building," explains Nordin. "I stopped by his apartment one night wearing my then-favorite outfit. Just as I was thinking I was all cute, he says, 'Can I tell you something? Don't take this the wrong way, but you would have the most amazing body if you just lost 10 or 15 pounds.' As he's hugging me, he says this. I was devastated, and ended up telling him off."
She broke up with him soon after.
Kim Guymon, 42, of Everett, Washington, says the advice an acquaintance gave her 15 years ago was unwelcome, upsetting -- and way too personal.
"My husband and I had been married about five years and had no children," says Guymon. "We actually weren't even trying at the time."
Still, the acquaintance, a chiropractor, assumed Guymon and her husband were having fertility issues (they weren't) and sent her a letter explaining how he could adjust her back to help her get pregnant.
"It included a testimonial letter from a fellow chiropractic student who claimed she had had her back adjusted by him and was able to get pregnant the following month," she recalls. "I was insulted."
Wait until you're asked
And if you're the one eager to share your wisdom? Stick to people you know well -- and wait till you're asked.
"Generally speaking, unsolicited advice is pretty much discounted," says Cindy Post Senning. If a situation involves a close friend or relative, it's okay to step in, but be tactful and be prepared for them not to listen.
She suggests couching your advice in the following way:
"I know unsolicited advice is the worst kind, but I have to tell you this because I know I would want to know if I was in this situation."
Tina Lewis Rowe, 61, a Denver-based business consultant and self-described advice-giver says most people whole dole out their two cents are just trying to help.
"I don't think we should go around picking on people, but if something is very irritating or disturbing and there is a reason for us to get involved, we should find appropriate ways to say something," she says.
"I have had many people thank me for telling them about their breath or body odor," continues Rowe. "One woman told me that the straight-forward and helpful way I told her, kept it from being embarrassing to her."
As one of the stars of Bravo's reality TV show "The Real Housewives of New York," Jill Zarin, a 44-year-old wife and mother of four, became known as the show's resident advice-giver.
On one of last season's episodes, she gave co-star Alex McCord recommendations for private preschools and even arranged an interview with a school administrator -- but only after McCord asked for her input. She says she didn't find out McCord chose a public school until she saw the show.
Zarin wasn't fazed. "My mother once taught me, 'Wait until you're asked for advice -- don't just offer it.' If somebody asks me, I'm happy to give my opinion."
Keep smiling
Sometimes, no matter how well-meaning or meddlesome a person can be with unsolicited advice, all you can do it laugh it off. Allen Klein, 70, a motivational speaker in San Francisco, discovered that himself.
"I once had a business in Chinatown," says Klein. "The owner of the business next door, a Chinese man, told me that he could cure my baldness. To make my hair grow, he said I should catch a very young mouse. Then put the mouse in a bottle of very good vodka. Let the bottle sit for six months or so, then, every day, rub some of the vodka on my head."
Klein had a good laugh

You would *Laugh* at the sad pick up lines I used to use!

No seriously, some of the stuff I used to try in college is absolutely laughable... It's one of those things where you look back on yourself and shake your head. How did I ever think that would work! Things have changed though... things have changed a lot!
Just recently I was sitting back with some friends killing time with a pitcher of beer at our favorite patio bar just outside the city. A typical afternoon on a lazy Saturday. Much how we spend many of our Saturdays unwinding from the week. We had our eye on a girl sitting at another table with a friend. She was about an 8 out of 10...
Anyways... I told my buddy's I'm going over there to get her number. The usual teasing and betting whether or not I could do this, did not happen. They had been through this with me before.
I walked over and spoke with her and her friend for a minute or two, and just like I have performed in the past, she was writing her number down on a napkin in no time. In fact... they had already been approached once already, and the 3 of us were laughing together about how they had turned him down... poor bastard.
Other guys buy women drinks, try to dance with them, impress them with their friends, and try all kinds of crap for hours, night after night - and usually get nothing! I talked with her, and got her number within minutes - like I've done hundreds of times in the past. Another one down.. Easy!
The question is: What Happened? What did I say?
When I was in college, if you had of asked me if this was possible, I would have said "Yeah right... Maybe... but not for me!" But now... I do it all the time.
I'm nothing special either. I'm a regular guy... just past thirty. I'm not athletic, or especially good looking, In fact I've never been that type of guy that women ask out, or approach out of the blue.
Now though... It's not uncommon for me to be doing regular chores during the day, and get 3 or more numbers per day, and...dozens of numbers a week from good looking, interesting women... The type of women I would choose. The type of women YOU CAN choose!
I don't have any secret locations either... ok that's not Completely True!.. I do know of some places that are better than others, but in general, these techniques work best in every day places... your local coffee shop, mall, grocery store, were women are not expecting to be picked up. Their guards down in these places.
In fact.. a bar or night club can be devastating for men trying to pickup women. Every woman in the bar is expecting it, and has their guard up, and standards raised higher than ever. Without a special advantage... a guy's doomed to even try!
So how do I do this? How does a regular guy go from wishing for attention to getting phone numbers in minutes?