by Ray Bruce, Ph.D.
Eric, 26, has just completed his Ph.D. in applied digital engineering. He's wondering what he's going to do now. Out of school and out of work, he's questioning his relationship and his life. His girl friend, Kim, has just had her best year ever as a stock broker with a major NYSE Member Firm. She says it doesn't matter who makes the most money. He's not so sure.
Next to penis size, questioning his ability to provide anadequate income is the surest way to create doubt for a man. A man who believes he's at risk with either is vulnerable on all fronts. Why are sexual prowess and income so important? Because they provide men with the most obvious symbols of identity. Externals seem to be everything in our MTV paced, consumer oriented culture. Sound bites don't give much time for more than a passing glance. If you have the right clothes, the right audio/video link, and the right job, you must be Mr. or Ms. right. If you don't, you're out. It's the external law of the jungle.
But things may be changing. Beyond income, what does work have to offer? Fortune Magazine in it's December 26, 1994 issue asks the question "Why do we work?" Their conclusion is scary for many men. Fortune reports that personal satisfaction seems to come in four ways:
achieving technical excellence
serving a purpose larger than the individual
being a part of a team
by finding what your spirit needs
Here's the rub. Of these four springboards to satisfaction, only technical excellence deals with externals, the other three address inside issues. How can men develop tools to compete on the "insidetrack?" One place to begin is to develop a personal mission statement.
Stephen Covey in his best selling book, Seven Basic Habits of Highly Effective People says, "You see, once you can decide what you are about and what you treasure, what you value, you've automatically got guidelines. You've developed the criteria for making all of the decisions in your life."
Showing posts with label issue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label issue. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Development in Tibet irked the miscreants
Lhasa (Tibet), July 21, (ANI): The recent demonstrations by people of Tibet, which disrupted the normal life, according to the Chinese have harmed development work being carried out by the Chinese Government.The vice chairman of the Tibetan Autonomous Region, Baima Chilin, who was recently in Lhasa, has blamed the Dalai Lama and his supporters who, according to him, instigated violent protests in Tibet.During the anti-China riots on March 14, the activists had allegedly burnt several shops and a school building in Lhasa. The violence left 18 people dead and several others as injured.While giving details of several development works being carried out by the Central government with the help of local government to a team of foreign mediapersons, Baima Chilin claimed that over 98 per cent of the students were receiving primary education at present in Tibet.In 1959, during Dalai Lama’s rule here, more than 90 percent of the people of Tibet were illiterate, he added.He admitted that transportation facilities in Tibet were not in very good shape at the moment, but all efforts were being made to improve them and soon there would be good infrastructure in the region.There had been, he claimed, steady improvement in agricultural production.According to available figures, in 1978 Tibet’s per capita GDP was 375 Yuan. It rose to 10,430 Yuan in 2006. Output value of Agriculture, Forestry, Animal husbandry and Fishery in Tibet during 1959 was 14,417 units, which has also risen to 704,765 units in 2006.The export and import trade value in 1970 was 10,30,000 (1.03 million) US dollars. In 2006, it was over 176.18 million US dollars. Output of major crops like Rice, wheat, winter wheat and Qingke Barley has also risen to many folds in the region.Total grain production in 1959 was 182,905 tonnes. In 200, it was 923,688 tonnes. The figures say that the financial revenue of the region has also risen from 133.02 million Yuan in 1959 to over 2.56 million Yuan in 2006. In Beijing, Dong Yunhu, the Director General of the State council information office said that Tibet issue is an issue of modernization of Tibet.Yunhu said since 1959 when the Tibet was taken over by the Chinese Government from the clutches of Dalai Lama, the Central government decided to work for Tibet’s modernization and for the uplift of the inhabitants in the region, which is also and main human right issue.He alleged that most of the income of the monasteries and other religious places situated in Tibet was either spent for the maintenance of standard of living of the masters of the monasteries and not much had been spent over the development of Tibet and its people’s welfare.“It was the policy of the China's government to speed up development works in Tibet” Yunhu said.The rapid development in the region, it is argued, has forced Dalai Lama's supporters to run away from the monasteries.Yunhu said that the Dalai Lama and his administrators would find it difficult to maintain the pace of reforms in Tibet undertaken by the Central government of China. The Dalai Lama, he alleged, was not qualified to administer Tibet properly.Dong said that if Dalai wanted to return to China he could come as a Chinese citizen.While expressing his views on India China relations, Dong said, " I believe that the friendship between India and China is not only important for South Asia but for the whole world.”Dong appreciated the steps taken by India to contain the impact of demonstrations by the supporters of Dalai Lama against China during the march of Olympic Torch in New Delhi. He urged India to stop Dalai Lama and his supporters to indulge in activities against China.The Chinese and Tibetans leaders in Lhasa admitted that the issues connected with Tibet were difficult to solve and looked for support from India.
Well meaning meddlers -- how to deal with them
(LifeWire) -- As the mother of a toddler, Stephanie Delger has learned how to pick her battles.
That's why, during a trip to the grocery store a few months ago, the 25-year-old Bozeman, Montana, freelance writer decided to give her son Joshua a cookie when she sensed a tantrum coming on.
But as it turned out, he wasn't the one she would butt heads with that day.
Delger happened to be sharing the aisle with a woman of around 60, who watched as Joshua grew cranky and attempted to stand up in the cart. When Delger mollified him with the cookie, the woman offered some unsolicited advice.
"She started lecturing me and telling me I shouldn't give in to tantrums and that I should have taken him outside and spanked him," Delger says.
Then, the woman did the unthinkable: She took the cookie away from Joshua, who was only 14 months old at the time.
"His little face just crumpled," says Delger, who decided to give the woman some advice of her own. "I told her [that her] behavior was completely out of line and that it was ridiculous. Her advice was unnecessary and unappreciated."
Mother and son then left the scene, and Joshua got a new cookie -- and a balloon -- as consolation.
Cindy Post Senning, a director of the Emily Post Foundation and, like her great-grandmother, an etiquette expert, says not only did Delger do the right thing in this situation, but that the same tactics should be applied to similar run-ins.
"You want to extricate yourself from that negative situation as quickly and easily as you can," says Senning. "What you don't want to do is get confrontational."
When 'advice' hurts
Well-meaning meddlers are one thing, but sometimes advice-givers can come across as just plain rude. Dani Nordin, 32, a Web and graphic designer in Watertown, Massachusetts, is still fuming about the "advice" she received from a former boyfriend.
"A few years ago, I had lost a considerable amount of weight -- over 40 pounds -- and had recently started dating a guy who lived in my building," explains Nordin. "I stopped by his apartment one night wearing my then-favorite outfit. Just as I was thinking I was all cute, he says, 'Can I tell you something? Don't take this the wrong way, but you would have the most amazing body if you just lost 10 or 15 pounds.' As he's hugging me, he says this. I was devastated, and ended up telling him off."
She broke up with him soon after.
Kim Guymon, 42, of Everett, Washington, says the advice an acquaintance gave her 15 years ago was unwelcome, upsetting -- and way too personal.
"My husband and I had been married about five years and had no children," says Guymon. "We actually weren't even trying at the time."
Still, the acquaintance, a chiropractor, assumed Guymon and her husband were having fertility issues (they weren't) and sent her a letter explaining how he could adjust her back to help her get pregnant.
"It included a testimonial letter from a fellow chiropractic student who claimed she had had her back adjusted by him and was able to get pregnant the following month," she recalls. "I was insulted."
Wait until you're asked
And if you're the one eager to share your wisdom? Stick to people you know well -- and wait till you're asked.
"Generally speaking, unsolicited advice is pretty much discounted," says Cindy Post Senning. If a situation involves a close friend or relative, it's okay to step in, but be tactful and be prepared for them not to listen.
She suggests couching your advice in the following way:
"I know unsolicited advice is the worst kind, but I have to tell you this because I know I would want to know if I was in this situation."
Tina Lewis Rowe, 61, a Denver-based business consultant and self-described advice-giver says most people whole dole out their two cents are just trying to help.
"I don't think we should go around picking on people, but if something is very irritating or disturbing and there is a reason for us to get involved, we should find appropriate ways to say something," she says.
"I have had many people thank me for telling them about their breath or body odor," continues Rowe. "One woman told me that the straight-forward and helpful way I told her, kept it from being embarrassing to her."
As one of the stars of Bravo's reality TV show "The Real Housewives of New York," Jill Zarin, a 44-year-old wife and mother of four, became known as the show's resident advice-giver.
On one of last season's episodes, she gave co-star Alex McCord recommendations for private preschools and even arranged an interview with a school administrator -- but only after McCord asked for her input. She says she didn't find out McCord chose a public school until she saw the show.
Zarin wasn't fazed. "My mother once taught me, 'Wait until you're asked for advice -- don't just offer it.' If somebody asks me, I'm happy to give my opinion."
Keep smiling
Sometimes, no matter how well-meaning or meddlesome a person can be with unsolicited advice, all you can do it laugh it off. Allen Klein, 70, a motivational speaker in San Francisco, discovered that himself.
"I once had a business in Chinatown," says Klein. "The owner of the business next door, a Chinese man, told me that he could cure my baldness. To make my hair grow, he said I should catch a very young mouse. Then put the mouse in a bottle of very good vodka. Let the bottle sit for six months or so, then, every day, rub some of the vodka on my head."
Klein had a good laugh
That's why, during a trip to the grocery store a few months ago, the 25-year-old Bozeman, Montana, freelance writer decided to give her son Joshua a cookie when she sensed a tantrum coming on.
But as it turned out, he wasn't the one she would butt heads with that day.
Delger happened to be sharing the aisle with a woman of around 60, who watched as Joshua grew cranky and attempted to stand up in the cart. When Delger mollified him with the cookie, the woman offered some unsolicited advice.
"She started lecturing me and telling me I shouldn't give in to tantrums and that I should have taken him outside and spanked him," Delger says.
Then, the woman did the unthinkable: She took the cookie away from Joshua, who was only 14 months old at the time.
"His little face just crumpled," says Delger, who decided to give the woman some advice of her own. "I told her [that her] behavior was completely out of line and that it was ridiculous. Her advice was unnecessary and unappreciated."
Mother and son then left the scene, and Joshua got a new cookie -- and a balloon -- as consolation.
Cindy Post Senning, a director of the Emily Post Foundation and, like her great-grandmother, an etiquette expert, says not only did Delger do the right thing in this situation, but that the same tactics should be applied to similar run-ins.
"You want to extricate yourself from that negative situation as quickly and easily as you can," says Senning. "What you don't want to do is get confrontational."
When 'advice' hurts
Well-meaning meddlers are one thing, but sometimes advice-givers can come across as just plain rude. Dani Nordin, 32, a Web and graphic designer in Watertown, Massachusetts, is still fuming about the "advice" she received from a former boyfriend.
"A few years ago, I had lost a considerable amount of weight -- over 40 pounds -- and had recently started dating a guy who lived in my building," explains Nordin. "I stopped by his apartment one night wearing my then-favorite outfit. Just as I was thinking I was all cute, he says, 'Can I tell you something? Don't take this the wrong way, but you would have the most amazing body if you just lost 10 or 15 pounds.' As he's hugging me, he says this. I was devastated, and ended up telling him off."
She broke up with him soon after.
Kim Guymon, 42, of Everett, Washington, says the advice an acquaintance gave her 15 years ago was unwelcome, upsetting -- and way too personal.
"My husband and I had been married about five years and had no children," says Guymon. "We actually weren't even trying at the time."
Still, the acquaintance, a chiropractor, assumed Guymon and her husband were having fertility issues (they weren't) and sent her a letter explaining how he could adjust her back to help her get pregnant.
"It included a testimonial letter from a fellow chiropractic student who claimed she had had her back adjusted by him and was able to get pregnant the following month," she recalls. "I was insulted."
Wait until you're asked
And if you're the one eager to share your wisdom? Stick to people you know well -- and wait till you're asked.
"Generally speaking, unsolicited advice is pretty much discounted," says Cindy Post Senning. If a situation involves a close friend or relative, it's okay to step in, but be tactful and be prepared for them not to listen.
She suggests couching your advice in the following way:
"I know unsolicited advice is the worst kind, but I have to tell you this because I know I would want to know if I was in this situation."
Tina Lewis Rowe, 61, a Denver-based business consultant and self-described advice-giver says most people whole dole out their two cents are just trying to help.
"I don't think we should go around picking on people, but if something is very irritating or disturbing and there is a reason for us to get involved, we should find appropriate ways to say something," she says.
"I have had many people thank me for telling them about their breath or body odor," continues Rowe. "One woman told me that the straight-forward and helpful way I told her, kept it from being embarrassing to her."
As one of the stars of Bravo's reality TV show "The Real Housewives of New York," Jill Zarin, a 44-year-old wife and mother of four, became known as the show's resident advice-giver.
On one of last season's episodes, she gave co-star Alex McCord recommendations for private preschools and even arranged an interview with a school administrator -- but only after McCord asked for her input. She says she didn't find out McCord chose a public school until she saw the show.
Zarin wasn't fazed. "My mother once taught me, 'Wait until you're asked for advice -- don't just offer it.' If somebody asks me, I'm happy to give my opinion."
Keep smiling
Sometimes, no matter how well-meaning or meddlesome a person can be with unsolicited advice, all you can do it laugh it off. Allen Klein, 70, a motivational speaker in San Francisco, discovered that himself.
"I once had a business in Chinatown," says Klein. "The owner of the business next door, a Chinese man, told me that he could cure my baldness. To make my hair grow, he said I should catch a very young mouse. Then put the mouse in a bottle of very good vodka. Let the bottle sit for six months or so, then, every day, rub some of the vodka on my head."
Klein had a good laugh
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Dating Advice Tip: The Movies, Dinner and Your Life Story
It has happened to the best of us. People who went out of their way to make sure the date went smoothly have found themselves in the same predicament. On more than a few occasions it has been the deciding issue in whether the dating relationship blossoms or flops.
Having good conversation is essential for not only getting to know the other person but also establishing a comfort zone. When there is a healthy dose of give and take discussion between you and your date then there is a propensity for both parties to lighten up. Any musician, athlete or artist will tell you their best work happens when they are relaxed. It's no different for dating.
It's not that you want or need to fill every silent moment with chatter. Indeed once you establish that conversation comfort zone than the pauses are no longer awkward. In fact it's more than okay to take a breather and gather your thoughts. Or just enjoy the ambience and good vibes you both are sharing.
All of this starts with good chatter between the two of you. What you must be on guard against is that you do not get too carried away. In some circles it's known as sharing too much information; commonly referred to as hogging the conversation.
It's an easy trap to fall into. Both of you have come armed with things to discuss; current events, what was TV or how was you day at work. The discussion starts to flow and it seems like it's only a matter of time before it goes to the next level.
But suddenly it's become a one person show. Yours. You talk and talk and keep talking to the point there is no way your date can get a word in edgewise. You remember your childhood just like it was yesterday. The only problem is you then proceed to explain in long drawn out detail what you were doing everyday between the ages 14 and 17 including weekends. If your date amazingly manages to break thru and mention something related to their own personal experience, it only serves to crank you up a couple of more notches and send you off on another tangent.
Few things can raise a red flag better than conversation domination. It alerts your date to the fact that if they were to go forward with the relationship, they better get used to playing second fiddle because life with you is going to be all about you.
Instead let them know they are an equal partner on this date. You've got good conversations skills but you may impress them even more if you spend the same amount of time listening. If the comfort zone you established has gotten your date to open up about themselves, then do them and yourself a favor by sharing some of that spotlight. This tells your date that it is not all about you and that you find them fascinating as well.
It also comes down to restraint. Not sharing so much of your life's history the first few dates lends you an air of mystery. That doesn't mean ducking questions or exaggerating your answers. It does mean however saving some of that good information for another time. When you share so much of yourself at one sitting, your date may see no reason to go any further since in their eyes they basically know all they need to know about you.
If you are excited about someone it's easy to get carried away. You like them and you are showing trust by sharing different aspects of your life. Just keep in mind that it is a two way street. Focus on a balanced amount of give and take and let your life's history (and your date's) naturally unfold as the relationship grows.
Having good conversation is essential for not only getting to know the other person but also establishing a comfort zone. When there is a healthy dose of give and take discussion between you and your date then there is a propensity for both parties to lighten up. Any musician, athlete or artist will tell you their best work happens when they are relaxed. It's no different for dating.
It's not that you want or need to fill every silent moment with chatter. Indeed once you establish that conversation comfort zone than the pauses are no longer awkward. In fact it's more than okay to take a breather and gather your thoughts. Or just enjoy the ambience and good vibes you both are sharing.
All of this starts with good chatter between the two of you. What you must be on guard against is that you do not get too carried away. In some circles it's known as sharing too much information; commonly referred to as hogging the conversation.
It's an easy trap to fall into. Both of you have come armed with things to discuss; current events, what was TV or how was you day at work. The discussion starts to flow and it seems like it's only a matter of time before it goes to the next level.
But suddenly it's become a one person show. Yours. You talk and talk and keep talking to the point there is no way your date can get a word in edgewise. You remember your childhood just like it was yesterday. The only problem is you then proceed to explain in long drawn out detail what you were doing everyday between the ages 14 and 17 including weekends. If your date amazingly manages to break thru and mention something related to their own personal experience, it only serves to crank you up a couple of more notches and send you off on another tangent.
Few things can raise a red flag better than conversation domination. It alerts your date to the fact that if they were to go forward with the relationship, they better get used to playing second fiddle because life with you is going to be all about you.
Instead let them know they are an equal partner on this date. You've got good conversations skills but you may impress them even more if you spend the same amount of time listening. If the comfort zone you established has gotten your date to open up about themselves, then do them and yourself a favor by sharing some of that spotlight. This tells your date that it is not all about you and that you find them fascinating as well.
It also comes down to restraint. Not sharing so much of your life's history the first few dates lends you an air of mystery. That doesn't mean ducking questions or exaggerating your answers. It does mean however saving some of that good information for another time. When you share so much of yourself at one sitting, your date may see no reason to go any further since in their eyes they basically know all they need to know about you.
If you are excited about someone it's easy to get carried away. You like them and you are showing trust by sharing different aspects of your life. Just keep in mind that it is a two way street. Focus on a balanced amount of give and take and let your life's history (and your date's) naturally unfold as the relationship grows.
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