IS LOVE ENOUGH?

by Susan Sprecher, Ph.D.
American Psychological Association explores how love improves over time for romantic couples if satisfaction and commitment increase too.
"Love does tend to grow, but loving each other may not prevent break-up," according to psychologist Susan Sprecher, Ph.D., of Illinois State University. "Couples break up because of decreased levels of satisfaction in the relationship-not because they stop loving each other."
Dr. Sprecher discovered that satisfaction and commitment were as, or more, important than love for couples in their desire to stay together by surveying both partners of 101 heterosexual couples at a Midwestern university. She examined both their actual and perceived changes in love, satisfaction and commitment for each other over a four-year period.
By the end of the study, 59 percent of the couples had ended their relationships. These couples reported decreased levels of satisfaction and commitment before the relationship actually ended, but said that their love remained unchanged.
"These results suggest that people do not end their relationship because of the disappearance of love," said Dr. Sprecher, "but because of a dissatisfaction or unhappiness that develops, which may cause love to stop growing." She also noted that love might not completely end when the relationship ends.
Of the 41 couples who remained together, 71 percent had married. The couples who remained together reported that their love, satisfaction and commitment increased over time. Furthermore, the largest increase was in their commitment for one another.

How Couples Can Deal With Different Levels Of Sexual Desire: by Tristan Bailey

We all have different levels of interest in sex and our libido can fluctuate quite dramatically throughout our lifetime, especially as we get older. Couples who have small differences in sexual desire can manage the situation relatively easily, but problems can occur when the disparity is much larger.
When one person desires sex more often than their partner it can have a negative impact on a relationship, and if not dealt with, the situation can become intolerable. When there is a massive difference in the level of sexual desire between two people in a relationship it can be very hard to find a solution that will satisfy each other's needs.
The person who has a lower level of sexual desire will often feel pressured to do something that they don't feel like doing and over time this can lead to resentment and anger. As the situation gets worse they will start to lose interest in sex altogether and their level of sexual desire will decrease even further.
The person who has a higher level of sexual desire will often feel unloved, deprived, and desperate because they are not getting what they want and need from the relationship. As the situation gets worse they will start to want sex even more frequently and their level of sexual desire will increase even further.
This creates a vicious circle where one person's sexual desire increases while the other person loses all interest and this can result in the relationship becoming unbearable. But while this is a serious problem, it can be resolved if both parties are willing to make an effort to accommodate for each other's differences.
Its a delicate balance between not pressuring one person to have sex when they don't want to, and making sure the other person's sexual needs are being met adequately. If this problem has existed for a long time during a relationship the situation may have become so bad that the help of a therapist may be required to try and resolve it.
To solve this problem, the person with the lower level of sexual desire must be willing to provide sexual satisfaction to their partner in ways that don't involve intercourse. As well as not being forced to have intercourse when they are not aroused, they may also gain pleasure from pleasing their partner.
Doing this will reduce the pressure for more frequent sex from the person with a higher level of sexual desire and they will regain the feeling that their partner cares about their needs. The other person may also experience an increased level of sexual desire because they are not being forced to have intercourse and there is less strain on the relationship.

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