Edward A. Dreyfus, Ph.D.
You've heard it before, "Where have all the good men (women) gone?" or, "All the good ones are taken!" The way people talk, you would think that mates were an extinct species. In this article I will be discussing the issue of mate selection in human beings and ways in which you can increase your odds of finding a "compatible mate."
You do not have to be alone; and there is more than one partner for you if you are willing to change your attitudes and put in a little effort. You must give up certain myths, time-honored beliefs, and begin to take charge of your romantic life. Romance is no different than any other aspect of your life. It requires that you take the responsibility for making it happen.
Your perfect partner is not going to materialize out of thin air and appear in your living room. You must develop a plan of action and then act upon it. Many folks are very sincere about their desires to be involved with another person, but are not committed to making it happen. Sincerity is an attitude, while commitment is an action. Sincerity without action does not make anything happen.
Showing posts with label mr right. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mr right. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE WITH ABUSIVE MEN
If your partner began your relationship as Prince Charming but now seems more like Jeckyll and Hyde then read on.
Maybe they just "clicked" when they first laid eyes on each other, ignoring everyone else at the party for the remainder of the evening. Maybe after their first date she went home on the highest of natural highs. Maybe they knew "everything" about each other in the first two weeks. Maybe the way he showed up everyday made her feel special, rather than waiting five days to see if he would call again. Maybe he told her he loved her after 3 weeks. Maybe she believed him. Maybe she so wanted to believe it was true that she told that gut feeling of "a bit premature isn't it?" to take a hike.
However it began, before long they were inseparable and she was the envy of all her friends, but somehow a few months later she had less friends than the una bomber. Sounding familiar at all? then ask yourself if any of the following scenarios ring a bell, because if they do, it's a warning bell that the honeymoon is over:
He shows up just as you're about to leave on a girls' night out and says if you go then he's breaking up with you.
You get dressed up to see him and he wonders aloud who are you dressing to impress after you see him.
You say hello to a man on the apartment block you live in and later he gives you the third degree over who this man is.
He decides he has a problem with the image you had when you met, suggesting a longer skirt, natural hair color.
He says you have to choose between remaining friends with male friends from when you were a kid and going out with him.
He beats your door down at 3 in the morning calling you a list of obscenities.
He is the sweetest and most apologetic guy you have ever known the next day. Every time. It was the old Jack Daniels he says. How can you resist that smile? He loves you.
He confides in you about past violence but still justifies it.
If you say you're leaving him, he says he'll kill himself.
He seems so convinced that it is you who is not treating him right that after a while you start to wonder if he's right.
You never know when something seemingly harmless you say may trigger his suspicion or anger.
You find yourself adjusting your life, censoring your recounting of experiences to try to offset the arguments. It doesn't work.
The way he shows up everyday is not exactly making you feel special anymore.
How many changes have you made for him versus how many has he made for you?
Ever thought to yourself, why don't those women whose partners abuse them just leave? People can stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of emotional manipulation, especially emotional blackmail. These are things most people can identify with as having experienced in some form or another. In the above case the behavior changes in him started gradually, subtly and only after she was convinced he was Mr. Right.
So she set a date, did not let him know her plans, and decided that if he hasn't changed by then he never will. She used the time preceding that date to prepare herself for the fact that love just isn't enough.
Maybe they just "clicked" when they first laid eyes on each other, ignoring everyone else at the party for the remainder of the evening. Maybe after their first date she went home on the highest of natural highs. Maybe they knew "everything" about each other in the first two weeks. Maybe the way he showed up everyday made her feel special, rather than waiting five days to see if he would call again. Maybe he told her he loved her after 3 weeks. Maybe she believed him. Maybe she so wanted to believe it was true that she told that gut feeling of "a bit premature isn't it?" to take a hike.
However it began, before long they were inseparable and she was the envy of all her friends, but somehow a few months later she had less friends than the una bomber. Sounding familiar at all? then ask yourself if any of the following scenarios ring a bell, because if they do, it's a warning bell that the honeymoon is over:
He shows up just as you're about to leave on a girls' night out and says if you go then he's breaking up with you.
You get dressed up to see him and he wonders aloud who are you dressing to impress after you see him.
You say hello to a man on the apartment block you live in and later he gives you the third degree over who this man is.
He decides he has a problem with the image you had when you met, suggesting a longer skirt, natural hair color.
He says you have to choose between remaining friends with male friends from when you were a kid and going out with him.
He beats your door down at 3 in the morning calling you a list of obscenities.
He is the sweetest and most apologetic guy you have ever known the next day. Every time. It was the old Jack Daniels he says. How can you resist that smile? He loves you.
He confides in you about past violence but still justifies it.
If you say you're leaving him, he says he'll kill himself.
He seems so convinced that it is you who is not treating him right that after a while you start to wonder if he's right.
You never know when something seemingly harmless you say may trigger his suspicion or anger.
You find yourself adjusting your life, censoring your recounting of experiences to try to offset the arguments. It doesn't work.
The way he shows up everyday is not exactly making you feel special anymore.
How many changes have you made for him versus how many has he made for you?
Ever thought to yourself, why don't those women whose partners abuse them just leave? People can stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of emotional manipulation, especially emotional blackmail. These are things most people can identify with as having experienced in some form or another. In the above case the behavior changes in him started gradually, subtly and only after she was convinced he was Mr. Right.
So she set a date, did not let him know her plans, and decided that if he hasn't changed by then he never will. She used the time preceding that date to prepare herself for the fact that love just isn't enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)