by Ray Bruce, Ph.D.
Eric, 26, has just completed his Ph.D. in applied digital engineering. He's wondering what he's going to do now. Out of school and out of work, he's questioning his relationship and his life. His girl friend, Kim, has just had her best year ever as a stock broker with a major NYSE Member Firm. She says it doesn't matter who makes the most money. He's not so sure.
Next to penis size, questioning his ability to provide anadequate income is the surest way to create doubt for a man. A man who believes he's at risk with either is vulnerable on all fronts. Why are sexual prowess and income so important? Because they provide men with the most obvious symbols of identity. Externals seem to be everything in our MTV paced, consumer oriented culture. Sound bites don't give much time for more than a passing glance. If you have the right clothes, the right audio/video link, and the right job, you must be Mr. or Ms. right. If you don't, you're out. It's the external law of the jungle.
But things may be changing. Beyond income, what does work have to offer? Fortune Magazine in it's December 26, 1994 issue asks the question "Why do we work?" Their conclusion is scary for many men. Fortune reports that personal satisfaction seems to come in four ways:
achieving technical excellence
serving a purpose larger than the individual
being a part of a team
by finding what your spirit needs
Here's the rub. Of these four springboards to satisfaction, only technical excellence deals with externals, the other three address inside issues. How can men develop tools to compete on the "insidetrack?" One place to begin is to develop a personal mission statement.
Stephen Covey in his best selling book, Seven Basic Habits of Highly Effective People says, "You see, once you can decide what you are about and what you treasure, what you value, you've automatically got guidelines. You've developed the criteria for making all of the decisions in your life."
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
FALLING IN AND OUT OF LOVE WITH ABUSIVE MEN
If your partner began your relationship as Prince Charming but now seems more like Jeckyll and Hyde then read on.
Maybe they just "clicked" when they first laid eyes on each other, ignoring everyone else at the party for the remainder of the evening. Maybe after their first date she went home on the highest of natural highs. Maybe they knew "everything" about each other in the first two weeks. Maybe the way he showed up everyday made her feel special, rather than waiting five days to see if he would call again. Maybe he told her he loved her after 3 weeks. Maybe she believed him. Maybe she so wanted to believe it was true that she told that gut feeling of "a bit premature isn't it?" to take a hike.
However it began, before long they were inseparable and she was the envy of all her friends, but somehow a few months later she had less friends than the una bomber. Sounding familiar at all? then ask yourself if any of the following scenarios ring a bell, because if they do, it's a warning bell that the honeymoon is over:
He shows up just as you're about to leave on a girls' night out and says if you go then he's breaking up with you.
You get dressed up to see him and he wonders aloud who are you dressing to impress after you see him.
You say hello to a man on the apartment block you live in and later he gives you the third degree over who this man is.
He decides he has a problem with the image you had when you met, suggesting a longer skirt, natural hair color.
He says you have to choose between remaining friends with male friends from when you were a kid and going out with him.
He beats your door down at 3 in the morning calling you a list of obscenities.
He is the sweetest and most apologetic guy you have ever known the next day. Every time. It was the old Jack Daniels he says. How can you resist that smile? He loves you.
He confides in you about past violence but still justifies it.
If you say you're leaving him, he says he'll kill himself.
He seems so convinced that it is you who is not treating him right that after a while you start to wonder if he's right.
You never know when something seemingly harmless you say may trigger his suspicion or anger.
You find yourself adjusting your life, censoring your recounting of experiences to try to offset the arguments. It doesn't work.
The way he shows up everyday is not exactly making you feel special anymore.
How many changes have you made for him versus how many has he made for you?
Ever thought to yourself, why don't those women whose partners abuse them just leave? People can stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of emotional manipulation, especially emotional blackmail. These are things most people can identify with as having experienced in some form or another. In the above case the behavior changes in him started gradually, subtly and only after she was convinced he was Mr. Right.
So she set a date, did not let him know her plans, and decided that if he hasn't changed by then he never will. She used the time preceding that date to prepare herself for the fact that love just isn't enough.
Maybe they just "clicked" when they first laid eyes on each other, ignoring everyone else at the party for the remainder of the evening. Maybe after their first date she went home on the highest of natural highs. Maybe they knew "everything" about each other in the first two weeks. Maybe the way he showed up everyday made her feel special, rather than waiting five days to see if he would call again. Maybe he told her he loved her after 3 weeks. Maybe she believed him. Maybe she so wanted to believe it was true that she told that gut feeling of "a bit premature isn't it?" to take a hike.
However it began, before long they were inseparable and she was the envy of all her friends, but somehow a few months later she had less friends than the una bomber. Sounding familiar at all? then ask yourself if any of the following scenarios ring a bell, because if they do, it's a warning bell that the honeymoon is over:
He shows up just as you're about to leave on a girls' night out and says if you go then he's breaking up with you.
You get dressed up to see him and he wonders aloud who are you dressing to impress after you see him.
You say hello to a man on the apartment block you live in and later he gives you the third degree over who this man is.
He decides he has a problem with the image you had when you met, suggesting a longer skirt, natural hair color.
He says you have to choose between remaining friends with male friends from when you were a kid and going out with him.
He beats your door down at 3 in the morning calling you a list of obscenities.
He is the sweetest and most apologetic guy you have ever known the next day. Every time. It was the old Jack Daniels he says. How can you resist that smile? He loves you.
He confides in you about past violence but still justifies it.
If you say you're leaving him, he says he'll kill himself.
He seems so convinced that it is you who is not treating him right that after a while you start to wonder if he's right.
You never know when something seemingly harmless you say may trigger his suspicion or anger.
You find yourself adjusting your life, censoring your recounting of experiences to try to offset the arguments. It doesn't work.
The way he shows up everyday is not exactly making you feel special anymore.
How many changes have you made for him versus how many has he made for you?
Ever thought to yourself, why don't those women whose partners abuse them just leave? People can stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of emotional manipulation, especially emotional blackmail. These are things most people can identify with as having experienced in some form or another. In the above case the behavior changes in him started gradually, subtly and only after she was convinced he was Mr. Right.
So she set a date, did not let him know her plans, and decided that if he hasn't changed by then he never will. She used the time preceding that date to prepare herself for the fact that love just isn't enough.
Good Sex is Good for You!
"Life without love is like a coconut in which the milk is dried up." Henry David Thoreau
"Good sex....Improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity."
Scientific evidence is accumulating support what many of us have suspected all along: good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, but it also actually improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.
In a new book called Sexual Healing, Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes that the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.
Dr. Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also --to a large extent-- on the social and emotional health of the individual."
Sexual healing is achieved primarily through the daily challenge of maintaining a close, intimate relationship which, when accomplished, leads to balance between our health and healing systems.
Can lack of sexual intimacy create a risk factor for certain diseases? Dr. Pearsall cites research and his own clinical experience ndicating that sexual dissatisfaction seems to be prevalent prior to a heart attack in a high percentage of persons. Conversely, sexual contentment appears related to less severe migraine headaches, fewer and less-severe symptoms of premenstrual syndrome for women, and a reduction in symptoms related to chronic arthritis for both genders.
Although the exact biological mechanisms are not yet identified, many researchers are investigating how our thoughts, feelings, brain, immune system and sexual/genital system interact, influence each other, and affect our health. There may be an actual biological drive toward closeness, intimacy, and being connected to other human beings.
When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.
"Hormones that pour through the body help promote health and healing."
Does this mean that to live longer or be more healthy we just need to DO IT more often or better? Of course not! Sex is a much broader concept that genital connecting or having an orgasm. Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, "Women Who Love Sex", that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories. For those who love it, sex permeates their lives and is not merely a specialized, time-intensive, physical activity that takes place under the covers--as quickly as possible.
As a result of interviewing many women, Dr. Ogden learned that sexual desire, or lust, was produced by much more than physical stimulation. For women, according to Dr.Ogden, it has more to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships: "Heart to heart, soul to soul, even mind to mind."
"For women, it has to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships."
When discussing sexual connecting, Dr. Ogden's interviewees spoke of a FLOWING CONTINUUM OF PLEASURE, ORGASM, AND ECSTASY, rather than a one-time experience. They also described peak sexual experiences as coming from stimulation all over their bodies--not just from their genitals--including fingers, toes, hips, lips, neck, and earlobes.
Obviously, arousal and satisfaction evolve not only from receiving sexual energy, but also from the joy of stimulating one's partner. Sex, then, is a commitment of give and take.
Finally, the women Dr. Ogden studied have their own concepts of safe sex, essential to experiencing sexual pleasure and ecstasy. This kind of safe sex does NOT relate to preventing STDs or pregnancy; it relates, instead, to emotional and spiritual safety. Such safety is CRUCIAL for sexual closeness. Most of the women insisted that warm, loving connections with themselves and with their partners were essential to and inseparable from the experience of sexual ecstasy.
When people feel deeply close while merely holding hands, they are having sex. When people display caring for each other through hugs, caresses, and kissing, they are also having sex. When connecting people in a crowded room wink at each other in their own secret way, they are communicating sex to each other; such non-contact sex can be excitedly arousing and emotionally fulfilling. And, of course, during sexual union when the sky seems to open so a lightning bolt can strike the couple--while fireworks ignite and the earth stops spinning-- this is sex, too.
But wait. Do men also need this almost spiritual connection to enjoy sex and achieve good health? Well, yes and no. Men need sex and men need emotional connection, but many men don't necessarily need to put the two together!
According to Dr. Bernie Zilbergelt, who wrote The New Male Sexuality, sex for women is intertwined with personal connection. For some men , sex is unto itself--an act to be engaged in with or without love, with or without commitment, with or without connection.
Presently, younger boys are being socialized in a more enlightened manner; consequently, male attitudes toward sexual union are changing. But,unfortunately, the socialization of many men born in or before the 60's provided very little information of value to the formation and maintenance of intimate relationships. These men were taught, as youths, that males showed love by doing, not by talking or "connecting" with girls.
"Fortunately, anyone can...restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow."
Older men were usually also socialized to be strong and self-reliant, which usually means one doesn't easily talk about or admit personal problems. Many such men do not acknowledge worries and fears to their partners; they simply try to handle everything on their own.
A consequence of such reticence is (1) lack of intimacy in the relationship, with the wife feeling "left out" of her husband's life; and (2) men often don't get what they need because they don't know how to ask for it, so they feel distanced and frustrated when they really want closeness and intimacy as much as their partner does.
Sex under these conditions creates distance in the relationship or creates sexual dysfunction which drives an even deeper wedge into the relationship. This is especially true if a man is married to a woman must be wanted by her husband to have her sexuality validated.
Consequently, sex routinely becomes mechanical, unfeeling, and unfulfilling. Fortunately, anyone can break this vicious cycle and restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow in the relationship.
"Good sex....Improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity."
Scientific evidence is accumulating support what many of us have suspected all along: good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, but it also actually improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.
In a new book called Sexual Healing, Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes that the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.
Dr. Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also --to a large extent-- on the social and emotional health of the individual."
Sexual healing is achieved primarily through the daily challenge of maintaining a close, intimate relationship which, when accomplished, leads to balance between our health and healing systems.
Can lack of sexual intimacy create a risk factor for certain diseases? Dr. Pearsall cites research and his own clinical experience ndicating that sexual dissatisfaction seems to be prevalent prior to a heart attack in a high percentage of persons. Conversely, sexual contentment appears related to less severe migraine headaches, fewer and less-severe symptoms of premenstrual syndrome for women, and a reduction in symptoms related to chronic arthritis for both genders.
Although the exact biological mechanisms are not yet identified, many researchers are investigating how our thoughts, feelings, brain, immune system and sexual/genital system interact, influence each other, and affect our health. There may be an actual biological drive toward closeness, intimacy, and being connected to other human beings.
When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.
"Hormones that pour through the body help promote health and healing."
Does this mean that to live longer or be more healthy we just need to DO IT more often or better? Of course not! Sex is a much broader concept that genital connecting or having an orgasm. Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, "Women Who Love Sex", that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories. For those who love it, sex permeates their lives and is not merely a specialized, time-intensive, physical activity that takes place under the covers--as quickly as possible.
As a result of interviewing many women, Dr. Ogden learned that sexual desire, or lust, was produced by much more than physical stimulation. For women, according to Dr.Ogden, it has more to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships: "Heart to heart, soul to soul, even mind to mind."
"For women, it has to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships."
When discussing sexual connecting, Dr. Ogden's interviewees spoke of a FLOWING CONTINUUM OF PLEASURE, ORGASM, AND ECSTASY, rather than a one-time experience. They also described peak sexual experiences as coming from stimulation all over their bodies--not just from their genitals--including fingers, toes, hips, lips, neck, and earlobes.
Obviously, arousal and satisfaction evolve not only from receiving sexual energy, but also from the joy of stimulating one's partner. Sex, then, is a commitment of give and take.
Finally, the women Dr. Ogden studied have their own concepts of safe sex, essential to experiencing sexual pleasure and ecstasy. This kind of safe sex does NOT relate to preventing STDs or pregnancy; it relates, instead, to emotional and spiritual safety. Such safety is CRUCIAL for sexual closeness. Most of the women insisted that warm, loving connections with themselves and with their partners were essential to and inseparable from the experience of sexual ecstasy.
When people feel deeply close while merely holding hands, they are having sex. When people display caring for each other through hugs, caresses, and kissing, they are also having sex. When connecting people in a crowded room wink at each other in their own secret way, they are communicating sex to each other; such non-contact sex can be excitedly arousing and emotionally fulfilling. And, of course, during sexual union when the sky seems to open so a lightning bolt can strike the couple--while fireworks ignite and the earth stops spinning-- this is sex, too.
But wait. Do men also need this almost spiritual connection to enjoy sex and achieve good health? Well, yes and no. Men need sex and men need emotional connection, but many men don't necessarily need to put the two together!
According to Dr. Bernie Zilbergelt, who wrote The New Male Sexuality, sex for women is intertwined with personal connection. For some men , sex is unto itself--an act to be engaged in with or without love, with or without commitment, with or without connection.
Presently, younger boys are being socialized in a more enlightened manner; consequently, male attitudes toward sexual union are changing. But,unfortunately, the socialization of many men born in or before the 60's provided very little information of value to the formation and maintenance of intimate relationships. These men were taught, as youths, that males showed love by doing, not by talking or "connecting" with girls.
"Fortunately, anyone can...restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow."
Older men were usually also socialized to be strong and self-reliant, which usually means one doesn't easily talk about or admit personal problems. Many such men do not acknowledge worries and fears to their partners; they simply try to handle everything on their own.
A consequence of such reticence is (1) lack of intimacy in the relationship, with the wife feeling "left out" of her husband's life; and (2) men often don't get what they need because they don't know how to ask for it, so they feel distanced and frustrated when they really want closeness and intimacy as much as their partner does.
Sex under these conditions creates distance in the relationship or creates sexual dysfunction which drives an even deeper wedge into the relationship. This is especially true if a man is married to a woman must be wanted by her husband to have her sexuality validated.
Consequently, sex routinely becomes mechanical, unfeeling, and unfulfilling. Fortunately, anyone can break this vicious cycle and restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow in the relationship.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
How To Get People To Stop Ignoring You And Start Listening
Getting people to pay attention to what you say: ah, now that is a challenge every school teacher, advertiser, and director of marketing has been trying to figure out since the dawn of time. Anyone who has ever been in a position of authority will realize this can be difficult. So, if you are faced with this problem, what are some of the methods you can use to defeat the poor attention span of your audience?
Well, first realize the root cause of the problem. In our modern, high-tech high-speed world, people are bombarded on a daily basis with all manner of images - sights and sounds come at them from iPods, TV, radio, the Internet, and so on and so forth. So, if you stand before someone and just try to speak in a flat monotone voice - something like what Ben Stein did in the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"; you are going to have the same affect on your audience as he did on his students. You are going to put them to sleep!
So, how to liven them up? Step one, figure out what sort of audience you are going to be speaking to. After all, if you talk to a bunch of senior citizens, they are quite a different group to some high school seniors. For that matter, highly gifted students are quite different from a group of "special needs" students. So, you must tailor your talk to your audience. Also, speaking to a group is different to speaking to an individual.
Next, look for ways to relate what you are talking about to what is important in their lives. Let us take the example of the high school students. You want to talk to them about the importance of learning to write. Oh, can't you just see their eyes rolling back in their heads as you try to sell them on that? If at all possible, have some sort of audio/visual presentation. These days, just about anyone can do a PowerPoint presentation. So, make use of that. By giving them things to look at, you can stimulate attention.
Also, don’t preach. Involve your audience and speak on their Level. So, when talking about writing, talk about books that are of interest to them. Don't drone on about the classics, use recent books that they would like to hear about. If you are talking to minority students, maybe mention how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had to write out his famous "I Have a Dream" speech in order to learn it. Maybe show a clip of the speech. The moral here is: make what you are saying relevant to your audience. Make them care about what you are saying.
If you are trying to get someone to a reprimand or a Warning, avoid being confrontational. Appreciate your Audience’s point of view. There is also the issue of the time and place of your talk. If you give your speech early in the morning or late in the day, people might be tired. Also, if they are hungry, they will be less likely to pay attention. If the room you are in is very hot or cold, your audience will be uncomfortable and not inclined to listen to you. If you can, make sure you are speaking in an area where there are few distractions and the ambience, temperature etc is pleasant.
Finally, there is the old classic rule about leaving them wanting more. Often, the best way to catch people's attention is with humor. A few jokes, at the right places of your speech can help to keep your audience focused on you. If you’re an entertaining and interesting speaker, people will be more likely to listen to you throughout what you have to say.
Well, first realize the root cause of the problem. In our modern, high-tech high-speed world, people are bombarded on a daily basis with all manner of images - sights and sounds come at them from iPods, TV, radio, the Internet, and so on and so forth. So, if you stand before someone and just try to speak in a flat monotone voice - something like what Ben Stein did in the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"; you are going to have the same affect on your audience as he did on his students. You are going to put them to sleep!
So, how to liven them up? Step one, figure out what sort of audience you are going to be speaking to. After all, if you talk to a bunch of senior citizens, they are quite a different group to some high school seniors. For that matter, highly gifted students are quite different from a group of "special needs" students. So, you must tailor your talk to your audience. Also, speaking to a group is different to speaking to an individual.
Next, look for ways to relate what you are talking about to what is important in their lives. Let us take the example of the high school students. You want to talk to them about the importance of learning to write. Oh, can't you just see their eyes rolling back in their heads as you try to sell them on that? If at all possible, have some sort of audio/visual presentation. These days, just about anyone can do a PowerPoint presentation. So, make use of that. By giving them things to look at, you can stimulate attention.
Also, don’t preach. Involve your audience and speak on their Level. So, when talking about writing, talk about books that are of interest to them. Don't drone on about the classics, use recent books that they would like to hear about. If you are talking to minority students, maybe mention how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had to write out his famous "I Have a Dream" speech in order to learn it. Maybe show a clip of the speech. The moral here is: make what you are saying relevant to your audience. Make them care about what you are saying.
If you are trying to get someone to a reprimand or a Warning, avoid being confrontational. Appreciate your Audience’s point of view. There is also the issue of the time and place of your talk. If you give your speech early in the morning or late in the day, people might be tired. Also, if they are hungry, they will be less likely to pay attention. If the room you are in is very hot or cold, your audience will be uncomfortable and not inclined to listen to you. If you can, make sure you are speaking in an area where there are few distractions and the ambience, temperature etc is pleasant.
Finally, there is the old classic rule about leaving them wanting more. Often, the best way to catch people's attention is with humor. A few jokes, at the right places of your speech can help to keep your audience focused on you. If you’re an entertaining and interesting speaker, people will be more likely to listen to you throughout what you have to say.
About to rock: The Jonas Bros open up on love, life and their biggest year yet
The Jonas Brothers have lots of stories to tell. And it's no wonder, given their rise to fame.
"There have been many moments where we've had to just sit back and say, 'Wow,'" says Nick. "One of those moments was the Texas State Fair right before we went on tour with Miley [Ray Cyrus]--50,000 people showed up to see us play. And in our New Jersey hometown, we played a sold-out concert in the same arena where we always went to see our favorite bands. It was an incredible feeling."
In just one year, the trio rose from being a (mostly) overlooked opening act with a modest debut CD to chart-topping superstars.
And add to that their about-to-explode acting career that launches with this summer's most-anticipated TV movie (Disney Channel's Camp Rock, premiering June 20) and their TV series (J.O.N.A.S. alia "Junior Operatives Networking as Spies," starting production in September for a winter debut on the Disney Channel). Somehow during all that, they managed to write and record their third CD for release August 12. And did we mention their "Burning Up" summer tour?
"So far things have been lining up perfectly, and we never, ever want to take for granted all these great blessings that are happening," says Joe, who loved portraying an ungrateful band diva, Shane Gray, in Camp Rock. "My character is kind of a jerk who is sent back to summer camp to learn his lesson."
SUMMER OF LOVE
Chatting about Camp Rock gets the guys feeling nostalgic about their own camp memories, including a common highlight: summer crushes found among the sleeping bags and insect repellent.
"Summer romances are good," Joe smiles. "We all went to camp a lot, and one of the best things about it was that we would always meet girls there."
So when it comes to meeting girls, what makes their hearts skip a beat?
"For me, it's when a girl has confidence," Nick says immediately. "And it always touches me when a girl is encouraging--it really makes you feel she honestly cares about you."
Kevin likes "a girl who's laid-back and makes me laugh." And Joe? "I love a natural beauty with a cool sense of style who stands out a little because she's happy being who she is."
Not surprisingly, girls have done some pretty crazy things to try to get their attention.
"Once, a girl jumped in front of our car ... while we were driving it," Nick shakes his head.
"That was interesting," Joe deadpans, then reminds Nick and Kevin about the girl who gave them a dead shark. "No idea why." And then there was the gooey, dripping mail delivery. A super fan wanted to share her birthday with Joe, so she mailed him a slice of cake. Ice cream cake. "That was just too weird!"
So, then, how do girls really get their attention? "Hey," Nick quotes, imitating a super-quiet girl voice. "What's up?" He laughs then finds his real voice again. "Girls don't need to say much to get my full attention."
That's also true for oldest bro Kevin (who has crushes on both Hayden Panettiere and Brenda Song) and family-clown Joe (whose idea of the perfect girl is Natalie Portman).
"One time this girl said to me, 'I got my library card right here 'cause I'm checking you out!'" says Joe in his sassiest tone. "That was pretty good because I couldn't help but laugh, and it started a conversation."
And the Jonas Brothers can dish it out, too. "Nick had the best line that I can remember," says Joe.
"Oh, yeah," admits Nick. "On one date, the girl said to me, 'I don't kiss on the first date.' So I said, 'I don't follow the rules.'" The brothers high-five to that one. "Ooooh!" Nick celebrates. "It was so good!"
Don't get them wrong, though: The Jonas Brothers play the game of love as fairly as possible and have their own gentleman's rules of conduct. Commandment No. 1: Thou shalt not make moves on thy brother's squeeze.
Oops. Joe has already gotten in trouble for that one.
"When he flirts with a girl that one of his brothers is into, it's a problem," Nick points the finger.
***Continued from special section
Joe has a reputation for being the trio's biggest flirt, so is he guilty as charged? "Yes," he confesses. "And I've been pummeled for it. It happened once when I started flirting with a girl that Nick liked and I had no idea. He was like, 'Dude. Lay off.'"
LIFE ON THE ROAD
But relaxing by the pool and chatting up girls on the beach will be taking a backseat this summer. "No beach paradise for us," says Kevin. "We'll be on tour with Avril Lavigne all over Europe 'til June, then we'll be waking up :on a tour bus every day." The U.S. leg of their tour (running from early July to the end of August) sold out instantly.
So is life on the road tough? Says Nick, "It's not exactly summer vacation, but going on tour is really cool. All summer long we'll get to play cool venues. It's going to be incredible."
"There have been many moments where we've had to just sit back and say, 'Wow,'" says Nick. "One of those moments was the Texas State Fair right before we went on tour with Miley [Ray Cyrus]--50,000 people showed up to see us play. And in our New Jersey hometown, we played a sold-out concert in the same arena where we always went to see our favorite bands. It was an incredible feeling."
In just one year, the trio rose from being a (mostly) overlooked opening act with a modest debut CD to chart-topping superstars.
And add to that their about-to-explode acting career that launches with this summer's most-anticipated TV movie (Disney Channel's Camp Rock, premiering June 20) and their TV series (J.O.N.A.S. alia "Junior Operatives Networking as Spies," starting production in September for a winter debut on the Disney Channel). Somehow during all that, they managed to write and record their third CD for release August 12. And did we mention their "Burning Up" summer tour?
"So far things have been lining up perfectly, and we never, ever want to take for granted all these great blessings that are happening," says Joe, who loved portraying an ungrateful band diva, Shane Gray, in Camp Rock. "My character is kind of a jerk who is sent back to summer camp to learn his lesson."
SUMMER OF LOVE
Chatting about Camp Rock gets the guys feeling nostalgic about their own camp memories, including a common highlight: summer crushes found among the sleeping bags and insect repellent.
"Summer romances are good," Joe smiles. "We all went to camp a lot, and one of the best things about it was that we would always meet girls there."
So when it comes to meeting girls, what makes their hearts skip a beat?
"For me, it's when a girl has confidence," Nick says immediately. "And it always touches me when a girl is encouraging--it really makes you feel she honestly cares about you."
Kevin likes "a girl who's laid-back and makes me laugh." And Joe? "I love a natural beauty with a cool sense of style who stands out a little because she's happy being who she is."
Not surprisingly, girls have done some pretty crazy things to try to get their attention.
"Once, a girl jumped in front of our car ... while we were driving it," Nick shakes his head.
"That was interesting," Joe deadpans, then reminds Nick and Kevin about the girl who gave them a dead shark. "No idea why." And then there was the gooey, dripping mail delivery. A super fan wanted to share her birthday with Joe, so she mailed him a slice of cake. Ice cream cake. "That was just too weird!"
So, then, how do girls really get their attention? "Hey," Nick quotes, imitating a super-quiet girl voice. "What's up?" He laughs then finds his real voice again. "Girls don't need to say much to get my full attention."
That's also true for oldest bro Kevin (who has crushes on both Hayden Panettiere and Brenda Song) and family-clown Joe (whose idea of the perfect girl is Natalie Portman).
"One time this girl said to me, 'I got my library card right here 'cause I'm checking you out!'" says Joe in his sassiest tone. "That was pretty good because I couldn't help but laugh, and it started a conversation."
And the Jonas Brothers can dish it out, too. "Nick had the best line that I can remember," says Joe.
"Oh, yeah," admits Nick. "On one date, the girl said to me, 'I don't kiss on the first date.' So I said, 'I don't follow the rules.'" The brothers high-five to that one. "Ooooh!" Nick celebrates. "It was so good!"
Don't get them wrong, though: The Jonas Brothers play the game of love as fairly as possible and have their own gentleman's rules of conduct. Commandment No. 1: Thou shalt not make moves on thy brother's squeeze.
Oops. Joe has already gotten in trouble for that one.
"When he flirts with a girl that one of his brothers is into, it's a problem," Nick points the finger.
***Continued from special section
Joe has a reputation for being the trio's biggest flirt, so is he guilty as charged? "Yes," he confesses. "And I've been pummeled for it. It happened once when I started flirting with a girl that Nick liked and I had no idea. He was like, 'Dude. Lay off.'"
LIFE ON THE ROAD
But relaxing by the pool and chatting up girls on the beach will be taking a backseat this summer. "No beach paradise for us," says Kevin. "We'll be on tour with Avril Lavigne all over Europe 'til June, then we'll be waking up :on a tour bus every day." The U.S. leg of their tour (running from early July to the end of August) sold out instantly.
So is life on the road tough? Says Nick, "It's not exactly summer vacation, but going on tour is really cool. All summer long we'll get to play cool venues. It's going to be incredible."
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Kabbalah Steps In: by Bnei Baruch
When we rise above the currents of everyday life and start asking about the origin of life itself - Kabbalah steps in
Kabbalah became hidden about 2,000 years ago. The reason was simple - there was no demand for it. Since that time, humanity has occupied itself with developing monotheistic religions, and later on, science. Both were created to answer man's most fundamental questions: "What is our place in the world, in the universe?" "What is the purpose of our existence?" In other words, "Why were we born?"
But today, more than ever before, many people feel that what has worked for 2,000 years no longer meets their needs. The answers provided by religion and science no longer satisfy them. These people are looking elsewhere for answers to the most basic questions about the purpose of life. They turn to Eastern teachings, fortune-telling, magic and mysticism. And some turn to Kabbalah. Because Kabbalah was formulated to answer these fundamental questions, the answers it provides are directly related to them.
Kabbalah made its "debut" about 5,000 years ago in Mesopotamia, an ancient country in today's Iraq. Mesopotamia was not only the birthplace of Kabbalah, but of all ancient teachings and mysticism. In those days, people believed in many different teachings, often following more than one teaching at a time. Astrology, fortune-telling, numerology, magic, witchcraft, spells, evil eye - all those and more were developed and thrived in Mesopotamia, the cultural center of the ancient world.
As long as people were happy with their beliefs, they felt no need for change. People wanted to know that their lives would be safe, and what they needed to do to make them enjoyable. They were not asking about the origin of life, or most important, who or what had created the rules of life.
At first, this may seem like a slight difference. But actually, the difference between asking about life, and asking about the rules that shape life, is like the difference between learning how to drive a car and learning how to make one. It's a totally different level of knowledge.
Kabbalah became hidden about 2,000 years ago. The reason was simple - there was no demand for it. Since that time, humanity has occupied itself with developing monotheistic religions, and later on, science. Both were created to answer man's most fundamental questions: "What is our place in the world, in the universe?" "What is the purpose of our existence?" In other words, "Why were we born?"
But today, more than ever before, many people feel that what has worked for 2,000 years no longer meets their needs. The answers provided by religion and science no longer satisfy them. These people are looking elsewhere for answers to the most basic questions about the purpose of life. They turn to Eastern teachings, fortune-telling, magic and mysticism. And some turn to Kabbalah. Because Kabbalah was formulated to answer these fundamental questions, the answers it provides are directly related to them.
Kabbalah made its "debut" about 5,000 years ago in Mesopotamia, an ancient country in today's Iraq. Mesopotamia was not only the birthplace of Kabbalah, but of all ancient teachings and mysticism. In those days, people believed in many different teachings, often following more than one teaching at a time. Astrology, fortune-telling, numerology, magic, witchcraft, spells, evil eye - all those and more were developed and thrived in Mesopotamia, the cultural center of the ancient world.
As long as people were happy with their beliefs, they felt no need for change. People wanted to know that their lives would be safe, and what they needed to do to make them enjoyable. They were not asking about the origin of life, or most important, who or what had created the rules of life.
At first, this may seem like a slight difference. But actually, the difference between asking about life, and asking about the rules that shape life, is like the difference between learning how to drive a car and learning how to make one. It's a totally different level of knowledge.
save money smarter
Feeling short of money? Make more and spend less!
You want to go where money is? Watch prison break first!
It's so much easier said than done to save money. Well, somebody has given lists such as cutting your coffee, less entertainment, less shopping (no, you are killing me)... That works for your money but not for your life, because you save for a better one.
To better manage your money, here comes some tips:
First, set your goal in short-term and long-term. There must be something you want in desperation, like a car, a macbook. You will figure out what to cut to have your dream come true. Yes, you are not really saving money here, but you find the ways.
Second, make a budget and prioritize your spending. Track your monthly expenses and calculate the average for your regular payments (Rent, Phone Bills, utilities, gas etc.). Shopping and entertainment may change from month to month, set a minimum. When you have a total spending plan for the next month, save all the surplus for investment or open a savings account.
Third and the smarter way, when you have to buy something, find a cheap one. Actually this is easy because you are online. DO NOT save your cable expense.
The Internet has changed our way of life: Users get greater access to information than ever before. It also offers many opportunities for saving money. As online shopping has become more and more popular, businesses have been pressured into not only maintaining an online presence, but also competing for a thriving global consumer base. Online deals and specials are powerful persuasion for potential customers, and are therefore used by many retailers. If you know where to look, you can find many ways to save money online, such as traditional coupons that you can print out and carry with you, and online coupons that use links or coupon codes to save you money.
There are two ways applying the discount for online stores: linked coupons and coupon codes . With a linked coupon, you simply click on the link, and it takes you to the online store via a special URL; then when you finish the shopping, your savings will be applied to your shopping cart automatically. A coupon code is a special code you will need to enter when you check out. Because online stores depend on online coupons and promotions to boost sales, these codes are very easy to find. There are many websites dedicated to listing current online coupons and coupon codes such as couponcabin.com , couponsmarter.com etc. Most of these sites offer a search feature to help you find exactly what you're looking for.
You want to go where money is? Watch prison break first!
It's so much easier said than done to save money. Well, somebody has given lists such as cutting your coffee, less entertainment, less shopping (no, you are killing me)... That works for your money but not for your life, because you save for a better one.
To better manage your money, here comes some tips:
First, set your goal in short-term and long-term. There must be something you want in desperation, like a car, a macbook. You will figure out what to cut to have your dream come true. Yes, you are not really saving money here, but you find the ways.
Second, make a budget and prioritize your spending. Track your monthly expenses and calculate the average for your regular payments (Rent, Phone Bills, utilities, gas etc.). Shopping and entertainment may change from month to month, set a minimum. When you have a total spending plan for the next month, save all the surplus for investment or open a savings account.
Third and the smarter way, when you have to buy something, find a cheap one. Actually this is easy because you are online. DO NOT save your cable expense.
The Internet has changed our way of life: Users get greater access to information than ever before. It also offers many opportunities for saving money. As online shopping has become more and more popular, businesses have been pressured into not only maintaining an online presence, but also competing for a thriving global consumer base. Online deals and specials are powerful persuasion for potential customers, and are therefore used by many retailers. If you know where to look, you can find many ways to save money online, such as traditional coupons that you can print out and carry with you, and online coupons that use links or coupon codes to save you money.
There are two ways applying the discount for online stores: linked coupons and coupon codes . With a linked coupon, you simply click on the link, and it takes you to the online store via a special URL; then when you finish the shopping, your savings will be applied to your shopping cart automatically. A coupon code is a special code you will need to enter when you check out. Because online stores depend on online coupons and promotions to boost sales, these codes are very easy to find. There are many websites dedicated to listing current online coupons and coupon codes such as couponcabin.com , couponsmarter.com etc. Most of these sites offer a search feature to help you find exactly what you're looking for.
Gaza Strip's Plight
A great number of men, women and children in the Gaza Strip live in one of the most chaotic environments on Earth. The escalating violence between warring political factions such as the Palestinians and Israelis has caused many to doubt the prospect of a peaceful state. And many are wondering if the Gaza Strip will return to its former grandeur as the gem Mediterranean.
The Gaza Strip is rife with political contradiction and corruption. In retrospect, the actions of the Palestinians to retain control of Gaza have been considered by many to be outrageous and condemnable. Once the Israelis surrendered control of Gaza City, the Palestinians were divided into two major parties for the reign of Gaza- Hamas and Fateh. Will the Gaza Strip ever know peace?
Both the Israelis and the Palestinians have always been known for their convictions and unrelenting character, which some believe is their downfall. And while Palestinians quibble over their small scraps of land, the Israelites will continue to enjoy their vacation from Hamas violence. However, the future of the Gaza Strip does not look promising.
Until the late 1940's, ethnicities and religions of all kinds lived together in peace in the Gaza Strip. Christians, Muslims and Jews were neighbors, all of whom worshipped on the same soil. After WWII, what many have referred to as "The Great War", British troops seized control of Palestine and remanded the country to the hands of the Jews as a gift. It was then to be known as the Jewish Nation. Without remorse or approval, the Jews banished many Palestinian citizens from their own homes and land. A number of them fled to nearby countries, yet many remained - to fight what they viewed as tyranny and injustice. Thus, Gaza Strip Palestinians have been a requisite ingredient to define this region.
This serves as a great history lesson to the world. So long as Israel occupies the Gaza Strip Palestine will never see peace. The Palestinians' view is that the Gaza Strip and the remainder of the land surrounding it belongs to the them alone. But since they cannot come to an accord then what will become of the Jews if they are forced out of Palestine. After having lived there for 50 years, Jews consider this their homeland. Several generations of Jews have been born and raised there. So removing them is hardly an option. Perhaps a return to the original state, where Christians, Muslims and Jews live together in harmony is what this region needs the most.
Is it right to empathize with the Jews or do we empathize with the original Palestinians? It is a difficult question. The atrocities of the holocaust left many feeling that the Jews deserved a home of their own. After all, they have been persecuted for thousands of years. Perhaps the correct answer is that we sympathize with both. But the worst attitude we could possibly take is to become callous to the events in this region. We cannot fall into apathy over the seemingly interminable violence.
The Gaza Strip is rife with political contradiction and corruption. In retrospect, the actions of the Palestinians to retain control of Gaza have been considered by many to be outrageous and condemnable. Once the Israelis surrendered control of Gaza City, the Palestinians were divided into two major parties for the reign of Gaza- Hamas and Fateh. Will the Gaza Strip ever know peace?
Both the Israelis and the Palestinians have always been known for their convictions and unrelenting character, which some believe is their downfall. And while Palestinians quibble over their small scraps of land, the Israelites will continue to enjoy their vacation from Hamas violence. However, the future of the Gaza Strip does not look promising.
Until the late 1940's, ethnicities and religions of all kinds lived together in peace in the Gaza Strip. Christians, Muslims and Jews were neighbors, all of whom worshipped on the same soil. After WWII, what many have referred to as "The Great War", British troops seized control of Palestine and remanded the country to the hands of the Jews as a gift. It was then to be known as the Jewish Nation. Without remorse or approval, the Jews banished many Palestinian citizens from their own homes and land. A number of them fled to nearby countries, yet many remained - to fight what they viewed as tyranny and injustice. Thus, Gaza Strip Palestinians have been a requisite ingredient to define this region.
This serves as a great history lesson to the world. So long as Israel occupies the Gaza Strip Palestine will never see peace. The Palestinians' view is that the Gaza Strip and the remainder of the land surrounding it belongs to the them alone. But since they cannot come to an accord then what will become of the Jews if they are forced out of Palestine. After having lived there for 50 years, Jews consider this their homeland. Several generations of Jews have been born and raised there. So removing them is hardly an option. Perhaps a return to the original state, where Christians, Muslims and Jews live together in harmony is what this region needs the most.
Is it right to empathize with the Jews or do we empathize with the original Palestinians? It is a difficult question. The atrocities of the holocaust left many feeling that the Jews deserved a home of their own. After all, they have been persecuted for thousands of years. Perhaps the correct answer is that we sympathize with both. But the worst attitude we could possibly take is to become callous to the events in this region. We cannot fall into apathy over the seemingly interminable violence.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Perfumes Enhance the Beauty and Style
Perfumes are the most sought-after fashionable items that add fragrance and beauty to everyone's life. As a result, choosing the right kind of perfume requires skill and homework. Men and women, young and old, rich and poor all want perfumes of different designs and fragrances. The use of perfumes as a symbol of elegance and style revealed dates back when Egyptians and Romans extensively used various types of perfumes in many ways. Earlier aromatic grasses, wood and spices like cinnamon, cardamoms and fenugreek were squeezed into fluid to produce perfume. Now with the introduction of newer technologies; the process of making perfumes has changed a lot as manufacturers are using man made ingredients to make them cheaper and faster.
Initially, perfumes were used by women. Now the world is getting fashionable and even men love to keep themselves trendy and appealing. Considering the development, manufacturers have created as many male versions of perfumes as female ones. Some of the famous brands of perfume ruling the market include Dolce and Gabbana, Hugo Boss, Jean Paul Gaultier, Tommy Hilfiger, and Weekend and many others. Each perfume can refresh your mind and assists you to attract the opposite sex. It is a fragrance that is very well suited for wearing during the day and to the office.
How to avail the right kind of perfume from the market? This is the most difficult question to be solved. Recently with the coming up of online boutiques, the search for the luring and scented perfume is not a hard nut to crack. In fact, online stores supply the widest collections of branded perfumes at competitive prices. All you need to do is to find a store that offers these excellent perfumes at knock down prices and you will easily become the most sought-after person in your locality in terms of elegance and style.
Initially, perfumes were used by women. Now the world is getting fashionable and even men love to keep themselves trendy and appealing. Considering the development, manufacturers have created as many male versions of perfumes as female ones. Some of the famous brands of perfume ruling the market include Dolce and Gabbana, Hugo Boss, Jean Paul Gaultier, Tommy Hilfiger, and Weekend and many others. Each perfume can refresh your mind and assists you to attract the opposite sex. It is a fragrance that is very well suited for wearing during the day and to the office.
How to avail the right kind of perfume from the market? This is the most difficult question to be solved. Recently with the coming up of online boutiques, the search for the luring and scented perfume is not a hard nut to crack. In fact, online stores supply the widest collections of branded perfumes at competitive prices. All you need to do is to find a store that offers these excellent perfumes at knock down prices and you will easily become the most sought-after person in your locality in terms of elegance and style.
Dating Advice Tip: The Movies, Dinner and Your Life Story
It has happened to the best of us. People who went out of their way to make sure the date went smoothly have found themselves in the same predicament. On more than a few occasions it has been the deciding issue in whether the dating relationship blossoms or flops.
Having good conversation is essential for not only getting to know the other person but also establishing a comfort zone. When there is a healthy dose of give and take discussion between you and your date then there is a propensity for both parties to lighten up. Any musician, athlete or artist will tell you their best work happens when they are relaxed. It's no different for dating.
It's not that you want or need to fill every silent moment with chatter. Indeed once you establish that conversation comfort zone than the pauses are no longer awkward. In fact it's more than okay to take a breather and gather your thoughts. Or just enjoy the ambience and good vibes you both are sharing.
All of this starts with good chatter between the two of you. What you must be on guard against is that you do not get too carried away. In some circles it's known as sharing too much information; commonly referred to as hogging the conversation.
It's an easy trap to fall into. Both of you have come armed with things to discuss; current events, what was TV or how was you day at work. The discussion starts to flow and it seems like it's only a matter of time before it goes to the next level.
But suddenly it's become a one person show. Yours. You talk and talk and keep talking to the point there is no way your date can get a word in edgewise. You remember your childhood just like it was yesterday. The only problem is you then proceed to explain in long drawn out detail what you were doing everyday between the ages 14 and 17 including weekends. If your date amazingly manages to break thru and mention something related to their own personal experience, it only serves to crank you up a couple of more notches and send you off on another tangent.
Few things can raise a red flag better than conversation domination. It alerts your date to the fact that if they were to go forward with the relationship, they better get used to playing second fiddle because life with you is going to be all about you.
Instead let them know they are an equal partner on this date. You've got good conversations skills but you may impress them even more if you spend the same amount of time listening. If the comfort zone you established has gotten your date to open up about themselves, then do them and yourself a favor by sharing some of that spotlight. This tells your date that it is not all about you and that you find them fascinating as well.
It also comes down to restraint. Not sharing so much of your life's history the first few dates lends you an air of mystery. That doesn't mean ducking questions or exaggerating your answers. It does mean however saving some of that good information for another time. When you share so much of yourself at one sitting, your date may see no reason to go any further since in their eyes they basically know all they need to know about you.
If you are excited about someone it's easy to get carried away. You like them and you are showing trust by sharing different aspects of your life. Just keep in mind that it is a two way street. Focus on a balanced amount of give and take and let your life's history (and your date's) naturally unfold as the relationship grows.
Having good conversation is essential for not only getting to know the other person but also establishing a comfort zone. When there is a healthy dose of give and take discussion between you and your date then there is a propensity for both parties to lighten up. Any musician, athlete or artist will tell you their best work happens when they are relaxed. It's no different for dating.
It's not that you want or need to fill every silent moment with chatter. Indeed once you establish that conversation comfort zone than the pauses are no longer awkward. In fact it's more than okay to take a breather and gather your thoughts. Or just enjoy the ambience and good vibes you both are sharing.
All of this starts with good chatter between the two of you. What you must be on guard against is that you do not get too carried away. In some circles it's known as sharing too much information; commonly referred to as hogging the conversation.
It's an easy trap to fall into. Both of you have come armed with things to discuss; current events, what was TV or how was you day at work. The discussion starts to flow and it seems like it's only a matter of time before it goes to the next level.
But suddenly it's become a one person show. Yours. You talk and talk and keep talking to the point there is no way your date can get a word in edgewise. You remember your childhood just like it was yesterday. The only problem is you then proceed to explain in long drawn out detail what you were doing everyday between the ages 14 and 17 including weekends. If your date amazingly manages to break thru and mention something related to their own personal experience, it only serves to crank you up a couple of more notches and send you off on another tangent.
Few things can raise a red flag better than conversation domination. It alerts your date to the fact that if they were to go forward with the relationship, they better get used to playing second fiddle because life with you is going to be all about you.
Instead let them know they are an equal partner on this date. You've got good conversations skills but you may impress them even more if you spend the same amount of time listening. If the comfort zone you established has gotten your date to open up about themselves, then do them and yourself a favor by sharing some of that spotlight. This tells your date that it is not all about you and that you find them fascinating as well.
It also comes down to restraint. Not sharing so much of your life's history the first few dates lends you an air of mystery. That doesn't mean ducking questions or exaggerating your answers. It does mean however saving some of that good information for another time. When you share so much of yourself at one sitting, your date may see no reason to go any further since in their eyes they basically know all they need to know about you.
If you are excited about someone it's easy to get carried away. You like them and you are showing trust by sharing different aspects of your life. Just keep in mind that it is a two way street. Focus on a balanced amount of give and take and let your life's history (and your date's) naturally unfold as the relationship grows.
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