INCOME AND PENIS SIZE:OVERCOMING MASCULINE DOUBTS

by Ray Bruce, Ph.D.
Eric, 26, has just completed his Ph.D. in applied digital engineering. He's wondering what he's going to do now. Out of school and out of work, he's questioning his relationship and his life. His girl friend, Kim, has just had her best year ever as a stock broker with a major NYSE Member Firm. She says it doesn't matter who makes the most money. He's not so sure.
Next to penis size, questioning his ability to provide anadequate income is the surest way to create doubt for a man. A man who believes he's at risk with either is vulnerable on all fronts. Why are sexual prowess and income so important? Because they provide men with the most obvious symbols of identity. Externals seem to be everything in our MTV paced, consumer oriented culture. Sound bites don't give much time for more than a passing glance. If you have the right clothes, the right audio/video link, and the right job, you must be Mr. or Ms. right. If you don't, you're out. It's the external law of the jungle.
But things may be changing. Beyond income, what does work have to offer? Fortune Magazine in it's December 26, 1994 issue asks the question "Why do we work?" Their conclusion is scary for many men. Fortune reports that personal satisfaction seems to come in four ways:

achieving technical excellence
serving a purpose larger than the individual
being a part of a team
by finding what your spirit needs
Here's the rub. Of these four springboards to satisfaction, only technical excellence deals with externals, the other three address inside issues. How can men develop tools to compete on the "insidetrack?" One place to begin is to develop a personal mission statement.
Stephen Covey in his best selling book, Seven Basic Habits of Highly Effective People says, "You see, once you can decide what you are about and what you treasure, what you value, you've automatically got guidelines. You've developed the criteria for making all of the decisions in your life."

PRICELESS GIFTS

by Gail S. Bernstein, Ph.D.
The season is here once again. No matter what holiday, if any, you celebrate, no matter what you believe, you're being bombarded with exhortations to celebrate, to love, to buy and to give. The airwaves are filled with stories about miracles and family gatherings that may be more fantasy than reality. Here are some suggestions for nonmaterial gifts that capture the spirit of the season.
Give yourself the gift of realistic expectations. So many of us understand others are human and imperfect, but forget the same is true for ourselves. Forgive yourself for being human, and for having limited time, energy, and resources. Remember that gifts do not have to be homemade or extravagant to be loving and important.
Give the gift of time.
Offer to babysit for someone with small children. Go to lunch with a friend you haven't seen in a long time. Plan a special evening with your lover. Take time for yourself.
Give the gift of life.
If you haven't done it already, fill out an organ donor card and carry it in your wallet.
Give the gift of unusual sights and sounds.
The world is filled with them, and many are free or inexpensive. Take someone special on a tour. There are lights and decorations everywhere, free concerts at shopping malls, free days at the zoo.
Give the gift of laughter.
There's plenty of pain and suffering in the world, and laughter helps us cope. Go frolic on a playground, listen to a child tell silly jokes, take someone to a funny movie. Laughter isn't just for kids.
Give the gift of an open mind.
Listen carefully to someone who disagrees with you. Watch a television show you've never seen. Listen to the words of a song you've always ignored.
Give the gift of love.
Tell the important people in your life how much they mean to you. I've never heard anyone express regret for having said "I love you" too often.
With best wishes for the holiday season,