'Nice day today, isn't it?'

Polish people in Britain are being told the weather is a good subject with which to strike up a conversation with a stranger. But is it? The Magazine's Tom Geoghegan puts the theory to the test.
Digesting what I'd just said to her, the old woman on the 220 bus to Putney, west London, scrutinises me intently.
If she turns away to look out the window now, that would spell humiliation.
Maybe "It's rather chilly out there," wasn't the right thing to say, and perhaps rubbing my hands together was a touch contrived. The one-second pause that follows feels like 10.
"Yes, it's meant to warm up later," she says at last, with a half-smile. Filled with relief, I respond with something about our forgotten summer and the verbal floodgates are open.
She neatly steers our chat from weather to traffic jams and from there to Ken Livingstone and candy floss, all in the five minutes before she alights.
Speaking to a stranger is a bit of a minefield, but it makes you feel good afterwards, especially in London where spontaneous conversations are pretty unfamiliar territory.
Not so in Devon, where a new welcome pack for Polish migrant workers advises them that a good way to start a conversation is to remark on the weather. And this unscientific survey in the capital suggests the advice is well-judged.
Anonymity
Out of 10 unsuspecting strangers, only one refuses to answer - a glance and a look away warn me off.
Six were positively bright and chatty, one was too immersed in his iPod to hear me, another couldn't understand me and one gave a courteous response but then returned to reading his newspaper.
Unlike a greeting that follows an introduction, a conversation between strangers is shrouded in anonymity and uncertainty. Standing at a bus stop or in a queue, the possibilities are endless. Begin with the weather and who knows where it will lead?
In one hour of approaching strangers, I learnt what the best time of year is to visit Marrakesh (October to March), that the local library is relocating (just down the road), what market traders make of the soon-to-be opened shopping centre nearby (upbeat and bullish) and what everyone thinks about the weather (even the sun has them moaning).
Older women are more talkative than younger men, who were glued to mobile phones and personal music players. And opportunities to chat abound - even when waiting to cross a road there's time for a quick exchange.
The weather is a good ice-breaker because in the UK it's so unpredictable and it's common to all of us, says Ros Taylor, who works with companies to encourage people to talk to each other. If you're stuck, look around you - if you're in a queue then talk about queues.
"We often imagine that conversations have to be clever and witty and shattering in their perceptiveness but all we want to do is bond and have a chat and make the time pass more quickly."
Chatting in this way makes life more pleasant, she says, and it's more common outside the South East.
"Go to the North of England and Scotland and people are ready to talk to anything that moves or breathes. They always have something in their heads that they say as soon as anyone comes into view."
But electronic communication is eroding our ability to connect personally, she says, and this could be contributing to increased feelings of isolation and even depression.
Another factor is that increased mobility means communities are less settled than they used to be, says Don Gabor, author of How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends.
"In a neighbourhood, when you interact on a regular basis it serves as a step-off point for the next conversation, so if you see someone every day, at the chip shop or in the park, and you start a conversation it can grow beyond the weather."
But a conversation with a stranger helps both parties - a smile at a cashier could be the first connection she has enjoyed that day.
Use sights, smells and sounds as verbal cues, he says. But there are simple ground rules - don't complain, avoid politics and religion, and keep strong opinions to yourself.

Do You Need a Cell Phone Recorder? by Tom Rasmussen

With all the cool technology available, it can be tempting to buy gadgets just for the sake of buying gadgets. On the other hand, some technology can really be useful. The cell phone recorder falls into this category of possibly useful and possibly just a gadget.
Do you need a recorder to capture your cell phone conversations? Most people will automatically answer a resounding no to this, but may still want such a device because they’re cool. Other people will answer yes, I definitely need one. And most people will wonder how they would use a machine like this if they had it.
If you’re considering buying a cell phone recorder, how will you use it? Keep in mind that in most areas you can legally record phone conversations, including cell phone calls, only if you disclose the recording to the other party in advance and get their permission.
If you’re planning to record phone calls so that you can recall project and discussion details and make sure you’re on the same page with a client, supervisor or employee, then recording should be fine. Very few people will object when you have a strong reason for recording the phone call.
If capturing cell phone calls is part of a plan to discredit, embarrass or otherwise harm the other party, and you’re not planning to get their permission to tape them, a cell phone recorder could cause you some serious legal problems, and possibly some jail time. In that case, you should probably reconsider your purchase.
If you sometimes make calls from your office phone and sometimes from your cell, and need to record from both locations, one device will record from both phones, so you won’t have to purchase two recorders.
A cell phone recorder is definitely a cool gadget, and you will no doubt enjoy using it and impressing your friends with your new toy. But if you have a legitimate need to record phone conversations, legally, this may become an indispensable device for you. As we move more and more toward using our cell phones exclusively, being able to record your cell phone conversations becomes ever more important.

Dating Advice Tip: The Movies, Dinner and Your Life Story

It has happened to the best of us. People who went out of their way to make sure the date went smoothly have found themselves in the same predicament. On more than a few occasions it has been the deciding issue in whether the dating relationship blossoms or flops.
Having good conversation is essential for not only getting to know the other person but also establishing a comfort zone. When there is a healthy dose of give and take discussion between you and your date then there is a propensity for both parties to lighten up. Any musician, athlete or artist will tell you their best work happens when they are relaxed. It's no different for dating.
It's not that you want or need to fill every silent moment with chatter. Indeed once you establish that conversation comfort zone than the pauses are no longer awkward. In fact it's more than okay to take a breather and gather your thoughts. Or just enjoy the ambience and good vibes you both are sharing.
All of this starts with good chatter between the two of you. What you must be on guard against is that you do not get too carried away. In some circles it's known as sharing too much information; commonly referred to as hogging the conversation.
It's an easy trap to fall into. Both of you have come armed with things to discuss; current events, what was TV or how was you day at work. The discussion starts to flow and it seems like it's only a matter of time before it goes to the next level.
But suddenly it's become a one person show. Yours. You talk and talk and keep talking to the point there is no way your date can get a word in edgewise. You remember your childhood just like it was yesterday. The only problem is you then proceed to explain in long drawn out detail what you were doing everyday between the ages 14 and 17 including weekends. If your date amazingly manages to break thru and mention something related to their own personal experience, it only serves to crank you up a couple of more notches and send you off on another tangent.
Few things can raise a red flag better than conversation domination. It alerts your date to the fact that if they were to go forward with the relationship, they better get used to playing second fiddle because life with you is going to be all about you.
Instead let them know they are an equal partner on this date. You've got good conversations skills but you may impress them even more if you spend the same amount of time listening. If the comfort zone you established has gotten your date to open up about themselves, then do them and yourself a favor by sharing some of that spotlight. This tells your date that it is not all about you and that you find them fascinating as well.
It also comes down to restraint. Not sharing so much of your life's history the first few dates lends you an air of mystery. That doesn't mean ducking questions or exaggerating your answers. It does mean however saving some of that good information for another time. When you share so much of yourself at one sitting, your date may see no reason to go any further since in their eyes they basically know all they need to know about you.
If you are excited about someone it's easy to get carried away. You like them and you are showing trust by sharing different aspects of your life. Just keep in mind that it is a two way street. Focus on a balanced amount of give and take and let your life's history (and your date's) naturally unfold as the relationship grows.

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection in Dating Women

The real obstacle here is the fear.
As I mentioned, fear of rejection, or imagining rejection when you should be imagining success, leads to walking away.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Ironically, I've found that the best way to overcome my own fear of rejection was to see that it wasn't going to actually happen.
The more times I approached women and started conversations and the more I saw that women usually responded positively, the less I imagined things going wrong.
This led to a positive feedback loop of me wanting to approach more women and have more success.
Here are a few ideas for overcoming your own fear of rejection:
1) Go out to a bar, and watch men approaching women.
Take a Saturday night, and just go out alone. Find a seat at the bar where things are busy, and just watch.
Make sure you visit a place that is really busy, so you can see a lot of people interacting.
Now, pay attention.
You'll begin to pick out the guys who are approaching a lot of women, asking them to dance, buying them drinks, etc. Watch what happens.
You'll be able to see for yourself that most of the time, even if the woman isn't interested, nothing bad happens.
You'll also see that when a guy tries to grab a woman who's walking by, makes a crude sexual comment, or just keeps talking when a woman isn't interested, that the woman's feelings might escalate and she'll respond negatively.
You can watch what works and what doesn't right in front of your own eyes.
This will start to reprogram your mind that women don't usually "reject" men, even in the most intense situations where they're being approached all night.
2) Start small.
If you have to, start by talking to women who are paid to talk to you. Go to a mall (one of my favorites).
Stores in malls hire attractive young women. Walk into every store, and start conversations. Practice making eye contact.
Come up with a few jokes that you can use in any situation ("So, do you own this store? Perfect, then you won't care if I just take some things...")
Ask the salesgirls to smell your new cologne (the one you sprayed on your wrist next door) and give you her opinion.
The more you do this, the more you'll get used to starting conversations with women you don't know, and having comfortable conversations.
3) Choose one default thing for each situation.
It amazes me that guys don't think ahead. They don't plan what they're going to do. As the old saying goes "By failing to plan, you plan to fail".
You really need to figure out a default thing you can do to start a conversation with any woman, anywhere, anytime.
Once you come up with your idea, mentally rehearse it until you could do it in any situation. Then get out and do it.