Myth 1: Luck is the essence of romance.
Luck has very little to do with romance, other than to maintain the illusion that we are helpless pawns in the game of love. Most folks engage in their search for a partner and then hope for the best. These people have no expectation of winning. Many people approach romance in the same way that they approach a gambling table in Las Vegas. They put their dollar on the crap table, roll the dice, and pray. Professional gamblers, however, do everything in their power to increase the odds in their favor. And serious people do everything in their power to increase their possibilities of meeting the person of their dreams.
I am reminded of the story of a young man who regularly prays to God to win the lottery. Day after day, week after week he prays and prays and nothing happens. Then one day, in the middle of his prayers, he hears thunder and lightening and the voice of God booms down upon him. "Charlie, meet me half way, buy a ticket." People tend to pray, wish, hope, and dream about finding their ideal mate, but they seldom develop a strategy or plan of action. They spend more time and energy planning a dinner party than the most important human relationship of their lives.
Myth 2: Marriages are made in heaven.
This myth is similar to the first one in that it assumes that relationships are preordained, out of the hands of ordinary mortals. It assumes that we do not have any control over the mates we end up with and that we must settle for those that we find. Human beings make choices. Many of them are poor choices -- especially when it comes to mate selection.
While this myth has romantic overtones, it denies human beings responsibility for their choices. It leaves us at the mercy of some fictitious master plan governing our lives and the freedom to choose is obviated.
If, indeed, marriages were made in heaven, then God made a great many mistakes. Rather than attribute those mistakes to God, we should exercise our God-given right to choose and learn how to make more effective choices. God doesn't provide us with a mate--rather God provides us with the ability to choose.
Myth 3: There is only one partner that is perfect for each of us.
If this were the case, then it would not be possible for people to have happiness in a marriage after the death of a spouse. Clearly, since people do indeed find happiness in second and even third marriages, there is more than one potential mate available for each of us. Our job is to increase the probabilities of finding those potential partners.
To find these potential mates we must develop a strategy. Just as there is more than one house we can fall in love with, there is more than one potential mate. If we increase the pool of available partners, we can then fall in love with any one of them. The trick is to set up our criteria, take appropriate actions, and then allow for nature to take its course.
A friend decided that he wanted to marry a woman who was beautiful, had considerable financial backing, and was of the same religion as he. He only dated women after he checked their family's financial standing with Dunn and Bradstreet, who belonged to his church, and whom he found to be beautiful. By surrounding himself with rich, beautiful women of the same religion, he could then allow himself to fall in love with any one of them.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
How To Deal With A Break-up
Does a break-up in your relationship look imminent? Is a divorce as the sordid end to your marriage only a matter of time, or so it seems? Is your partner rejecting you?
If your answer to either of the above questions was "yes", there might have been times when the situation appeared beyond repair, or you might in fact be finding yourself "checkmated by destiny", or so to say.
Well, what you've got to remember is that it's never all that bad; it's all in the mind. And however bad the position may be, there's always a way out! In fact, you could win your ex-lover back, be together with him again and letting pleasant memories be what they are- pleasant! And it's not like all this is next to impossible, for many have been there before and done that- girls have got their ex-lovers back and boys have recaptured lost love.
And they weren't necessarily coached into it by psychologists or counselors. In fact, it won't be an exaggeration to say that many of them made it by sheer accident. Maybe as a matter of chance, they did the right kinds of things, said what was appropriate, at the right time. Others had "almost" ruined their relationship to a point of no return and the pendulum could have swung either way.
To reiterate a point, all is never lost. There's always a ray of hope which you can build on. And why just a ray of hope, you could be learning from those who have been successful, follow some well-meaning advice and get your ex-lovers back into your arms! It sure isn't easy dealing with a break-up, but it isn't very difficult either!
It may so happen that you keep mulling over what went wrong in the relationship, and how you could have averted the "inevitable" in the relationship. The more you analyze, the more the pain and the hurt reveal themselves to you. And then, when you bump into your ex-lover, you might start it all over again with him or her- both of you might break out into an argument, and the roller-coaster ride may get back to square one, maybe even what might seem like a dark alley.
Why did the split happen? Men and women, both have specific needs, and if these don't get fulfilled, the relationship might be on the rocks. So instead of trying to make your partner see things from your standpoint, just make her realize that he or she still needs you. And you don't have to memorize big speeches and rattle them off in order to salvage the situation!
You need not plead before your ex-lover to take you back into his/her arms. In fact, that would only make the situation worse, for nobody wants miserable losers, and that may lead to a loss of self-esteem on your part. Following a plan might do you and your cause a world of good.
If your answer to either of the above questions was "yes", there might have been times when the situation appeared beyond repair, or you might in fact be finding yourself "checkmated by destiny", or so to say.
Well, what you've got to remember is that it's never all that bad; it's all in the mind. And however bad the position may be, there's always a way out! In fact, you could win your ex-lover back, be together with him again and letting pleasant memories be what they are- pleasant! And it's not like all this is next to impossible, for many have been there before and done that- girls have got their ex-lovers back and boys have recaptured lost love.
And they weren't necessarily coached into it by psychologists or counselors. In fact, it won't be an exaggeration to say that many of them made it by sheer accident. Maybe as a matter of chance, they did the right kinds of things, said what was appropriate, at the right time. Others had "almost" ruined their relationship to a point of no return and the pendulum could have swung either way.
To reiterate a point, all is never lost. There's always a ray of hope which you can build on. And why just a ray of hope, you could be learning from those who have been successful, follow some well-meaning advice and get your ex-lovers back into your arms! It sure isn't easy dealing with a break-up, but it isn't very difficult either!
It may so happen that you keep mulling over what went wrong in the relationship, and how you could have averted the "inevitable" in the relationship. The more you analyze, the more the pain and the hurt reveal themselves to you. And then, when you bump into your ex-lover, you might start it all over again with him or her- both of you might break out into an argument, and the roller-coaster ride may get back to square one, maybe even what might seem like a dark alley.
Why did the split happen? Men and women, both have specific needs, and if these don't get fulfilled, the relationship might be on the rocks. So instead of trying to make your partner see things from your standpoint, just make her realize that he or she still needs you. And you don't have to memorize big speeches and rattle them off in order to salvage the situation!
You need not plead before your ex-lover to take you back into his/her arms. In fact, that would only make the situation worse, for nobody wants miserable losers, and that may lead to a loss of self-esteem on your part. Following a plan might do you and your cause a world of good.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
How To: Planning a Spectacular 50th Anniversary Party
We just celebrated my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary and it turned out to be the party of the year. Not only was it a grander affair than their wedding, but it was incredible to see the hundreds of people there who played such special roles in the lives of my grandparents. I couldn’t believe how many friends they had made over the years. Although I volunteered to take on the forbidding task of planning the event, lucky for me I wasn’t alone in the process.
If an anniversary celebration is coming your way, take heed to the bits of advice I put together after all was said and done. The day turned out spectacular, better than we could have ever imagined and surprisingly with very little stress.
1. Don’t fool yourself. Hire a caterer. This was, by far, the smartest decision ever made. Yes, it does cost more than preparing the food yourself, but realize that you’re paying someone to take it off your list of things to do. After the menu is decided upon, you can sit back and count on your caterer to take care of business the day of. Our Utah caterer not only created some of the most delectable foods ever to touch my palate, but brought with them an elegant and confident attitude that shaped the evening into a beautiful celebration.
2. Music. Music. Music. These days, DJs are almost a thing of the past. Find yourself an iPod and a sound system and you’re good to go for the evening. We put together a playlist of all the classic romantic artists as well as a few of the more contemporary ones: Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Junior, etc. Music can do a great job of creating the romantic and elegant environment you are hoping to bring to the party.
3. Be creative when it comes to location. We decided to hold the anniversary celebration in an old restored mansion that a friend of ours owns. It is a beautiful estate, located a few miles out in the country, surrounded by lush vineyards. We served hors d'oeuvres outside and then ushered everyone inside for the sit down, candle lit dinner.
4. Map out the night of events beforehand. One of the most simple things to do, and can save you the most time, is to map out the timing of events beforehand. Set approximate times for hors d’oeuvres, dinner, toasts, cake, and dancing. If you have a general schedule of events and times, you are more likely to feel less stress the night of because those in charge will know what’s happening and when.
5. Have fun with the cake. This is an anniversary, not a wedding. The traditional white cake, although still appropriate and forever classic, isn’t a must in this situation. Your caterer might have the capability to design the cake for you, but if not, they will definitely be able to give you a reputable reference. Try using fresh fruit or flowers with vivid color to bring a sophisticated elegance to the cake.
6. Don’t forget to have fun. Once the night has begun, try to relax and have fun. Even if something isn’t just as you had hoped, roll with the punches and have a good time. Chances are you’ll be the only one who had a clue something was wrong.
If an anniversary celebration is coming your way, take heed to the bits of advice I put together after all was said and done. The day turned out spectacular, better than we could have ever imagined and surprisingly with very little stress.
1. Don’t fool yourself. Hire a caterer. This was, by far, the smartest decision ever made. Yes, it does cost more than preparing the food yourself, but realize that you’re paying someone to take it off your list of things to do. After the menu is decided upon, you can sit back and count on your caterer to take care of business the day of. Our Utah caterer not only created some of the most delectable foods ever to touch my palate, but brought with them an elegant and confident attitude that shaped the evening into a beautiful celebration.
2. Music. Music. Music. These days, DJs are almost a thing of the past. Find yourself an iPod and a sound system and you’re good to go for the evening. We put together a playlist of all the classic romantic artists as well as a few of the more contemporary ones: Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Junior, etc. Music can do a great job of creating the romantic and elegant environment you are hoping to bring to the party.
3. Be creative when it comes to location. We decided to hold the anniversary celebration in an old restored mansion that a friend of ours owns. It is a beautiful estate, located a few miles out in the country, surrounded by lush vineyards. We served hors d'oeuvres outside and then ushered everyone inside for the sit down, candle lit dinner.
4. Map out the night of events beforehand. One of the most simple things to do, and can save you the most time, is to map out the timing of events beforehand. Set approximate times for hors d’oeuvres, dinner, toasts, cake, and dancing. If you have a general schedule of events and times, you are more likely to feel less stress the night of because those in charge will know what’s happening and when.
5. Have fun with the cake. This is an anniversary, not a wedding. The traditional white cake, although still appropriate and forever classic, isn’t a must in this situation. Your caterer might have the capability to design the cake for you, but if not, they will definitely be able to give you a reputable reference. Try using fresh fruit or flowers with vivid color to bring a sophisticated elegance to the cake.
6. Don’t forget to have fun. Once the night has begun, try to relax and have fun. Even if something isn’t just as you had hoped, roll with the punches and have a good time. Chances are you’ll be the only one who had a clue something was wrong.
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