The Teen Oral Sex and Self-Esteem Connection: by Jennifer Sarpong

The Problem Jessica Weiner, author of A Very Hungry Girl, was called in to work with a group of 13-year-old girls who had given oral sex to boys on a school bus at a private school. She says casual oral sex is part of a larger problem.
"This is what peer pressure looks like," says Jessica. "Girls today are all in people-pleasing mode because they are completely disconnected from their bodies. At age 11 or 12 or younger they're going through puberty so their hormones and natural curiosity are there too,I don't want to shame us and blame us out of feeling positive about sex and sexuality but when you're caught on the back of the school bus giving oral sex...it's about not having any sense of self which is dangerous. It sets them up for other poor choices, for eating disorders and other addictions. It sets the pattern that they're not worthy."
Not having the sense of self is a major reason why teen oral sex is so prevalent today. Most girls who engage in oral sex are not just “promiscuous” or what people call “sluts” or just “horny”. Instead, they have relationship dependency.
(You can read more about this at www.help-my-self-esteem.com/relationship-dependency.html)
Relationship Dependency- is when a person looks to another person with the goal of fulfilling a void inside themselves no matter how shallow the means are. Relationship dependency is also deeply tied to self-esteem. Indulging in it sets up a person for other negative choices and behaviors such as addictions and eating disorders.
True intimacy just like any other thing worth having, takes time, and involves investment, and causes us to risk being emotionally vulnerable. After the superficial erotic image has faded, after all the stories are told, after all the sexual fantasies have been explored, then emptiness and the need for acceptance come right back again.
The girls of Sex and the City always ended up in the same places, in the same bars and restaurants, moping around and telling their same sad stories about failed relationships because the relationships were based on sex rather than what should be a solid foundation.
Data shows that most people in extramarital affairs or recreational sex with multiple partners feel they “need change” and deserve to be understood and appreciated. So they use that need to justify “playing around.” In reality these people are afraid to make deep changes in their lives that would offer them more permanent support. Think about it for a minute. How many genuinely deep fulfilling relationships are made in the “Hookup” Culture?”
Isn’t It Safer to Have Oral Sex?
A huge number of teens think oral sex is has basically no risk. “I mean, you can’t get pregnant right?” “Of course it’s fine, it’s not ‘real sex.’ They also think oral sex is disease free, but that is absolutely incorrect. Truth is, all sex acts, including oral sex put you at risk of getting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) ie HIV the virus that causes AIDS. Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea and the human papilloma virus (HPV) are other common STIs that can be passed through oral sex. Even if both partners think their status is “clean”, there are many STIs that do not show symptoms.