by Beverly Johnson, Ph.D. RN
These are the words of an 83-year-old widow: "Physical satisfaction is not the only aim of sex...it is the nearness of someone throughout the lonely nights of people in their 70s and 80s. We need someone to hold, hug and confide in."
A married woman age 57 said: "I believe sex is a wonderful outlet for love and physical health. It's worth trying to keep alive in advancing age... it makes one feel youthful and close to one's mate."
A different story is told by a married 64-year-old woman: "Now that I approach retiring age, seems I am constantly compared by my spouse to other younger and attractive women... I have always been affectionate and supportive... I feel undesired."
These are a few of the words of more than 600 women age 50 and older who participated in a survey of women on sexuality and aging.
When I was an assistant professor of nursing at the University of Vermont, I invited readers of AARP's "Modern Maturity" who were age 50 and older to participate in my study of older adults' sexuality. I asked the readers to complete surveys on such topics as health, sense of self worth, intimate relationships, and attitudes. To encourage the participants to be as open and honest as possible, I asked them not to sign their names to the questionnaires.
I also invited the participants to describe their degree of interest, participation and satisfaction for a variety of sexual activities such as sitting and holding hands to reading or looking at erotic materials to saying, "I love (or like) you" to more physically intimate activities such as kissing, hugging, intercourse, masturbation and oral sex. I wanted to explore sexuality in older adults from a broad perspective and not just equate sexuality with sex or sexual behaviors.
Studies looking at sexuality in this age group are especially significant as society has often seen older adults as sexually uninterested, uninteresting and incapable. An earlier study of contemporary adult sexual behavior by University of Chicago researchers only included adults between the ages of 18 and 59. The researchers used this upper age limit since they found previous research had shown both the amount and variety of sexual behaviors declined with age. Financial constraints of the study also led them to reduce the upper age limit from age 65 to age 59.
My study, then, intentionally examined women older ranges, and included items to provide a view of older female sexuality, beyond frequency and type of sexual behaviors. I also sought to include other aspects of oneself, such as self-esteem and intimacy.
How did these older women describe themselves?
Nearly one-half of the women were married, while one-third were widowed. Three quarters of the women were satisfied with their lives in general. Their health status reports indicated that 40 percent had had a hysterectomy, while their most common health problems were arthritis and high blood pressure. Eighty five percent of the women described their health as good.
I also found that women saw themselves from a positive self view and as participants in intimate relationships (41 percent described their spouse as the person to whom they were most close while 33 percent said such a person was a friend). For example, 90 percent of the women reported, "I feel I have a number of good qualities," and "I take a positive attitude toward myself." Half of the women said their closest relationship provided sexual satisfaction while over 80 percent described their intimate partner as physically attractive, and both partners had a strong emotional attraction for each other.
Women also described themselves as knowledgeable about sexuality and aging and liberal in their sexual attitudes. They knew physical changes in sexual function were associated with aging and 85 percent said older adults continue their sexual interest and activity well into old age if they are healthy. Furthermore, 90 percent believed sex was not just for the young, that late life romances are good, that and sexuality continues throughout life.
In this study women described their sexual interest, participation, and satisfaction in various sexual activities:
At least 50 percent reported being very interested, active in, and satisfied with activities such as sitting next to someone and talking, making oneself more attractive, hearing or saying "I love (or like) you," kissing, hugging, and caressing.
Two-thirds of the women said they were "very interested" in sexual intercourse.
Fifty percent or less said they participated "very often" in sexual intercourse.
Sexual activities for which one-third of the women or less expressed being, "very interested, active in, and satisfied with" included talking about sexuality, reading or watching erotic materials, daydreaming about sex, masturbation and oral sex.
Compared to their younger years, only 35 percent of the women said their present sexual interest had decreased.
Fifty-six percent of the women said their sexual participation had decreased
Thirty-eight percent said overall sexual satisfaction had decreased. These facets of sexual behaviors do continue for this group of older women!
For this group of older women, I concluded that greater levels of sexual interest, participation and, greater levels of satisfaction characterized those women who saw themselves in a positive light, had intimate relationships and had liberal sexual attitudes. Although the results of this study can't be generalized to the population of older U.S. women because the women had volunteered to participate rather than being randomly selected, the results do describe a view of positive and continuing sexuality of community-based older women.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Good Sex is Good for You!
"Life without love is like a coconut in which the milk is dried up." Henry David Thoreau
"Good sex....Improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity."
Scientific evidence is accumulating support what many of us have suspected all along: good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, but it also actually improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.
In a new book called Sexual Healing, Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes that the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.
Dr. Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also --to a large extent-- on the social and emotional health of the individual."
Sexual healing is achieved primarily through the daily challenge of maintaining a close, intimate relationship which, when accomplished, leads to balance between our health and healing systems.
Can lack of sexual intimacy create a risk factor for certain diseases? Dr. Pearsall cites research and his own clinical experience ndicating that sexual dissatisfaction seems to be prevalent prior to a heart attack in a high percentage of persons. Conversely, sexual contentment appears related to less severe migraine headaches, fewer and less-severe symptoms of premenstrual syndrome for women, and a reduction in symptoms related to chronic arthritis for both genders.
Although the exact biological mechanisms are not yet identified, many researchers are investigating how our thoughts, feelings, brain, immune system and sexual/genital system interact, influence each other, and affect our health. There may be an actual biological drive toward closeness, intimacy, and being connected to other human beings.
When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.
"Hormones that pour through the body help promote health and healing."
Does this mean that to live longer or be more healthy we just need to DO IT more often or better? Of course not! Sex is a much broader concept that genital connecting or having an orgasm. Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, "Women Who Love Sex", that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories. For those who love it, sex permeates their lives and is not merely a specialized, time-intensive, physical activity that takes place under the covers--as quickly as possible.
As a result of interviewing many women, Dr. Ogden learned that sexual desire, or lust, was produced by much more than physical stimulation. For women, according to Dr.Ogden, it has more to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships: "Heart to heart, soul to soul, even mind to mind."
"For women, it has to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships."
When discussing sexual connecting, Dr. Ogden's interviewees spoke of a FLOWING CONTINUUM OF PLEASURE, ORGASM, AND ECSTASY, rather than a one-time experience. They also described peak sexual experiences as coming from stimulation all over their bodies--not just from their genitals--including fingers, toes, hips, lips, neck, and earlobes.
Obviously, arousal and satisfaction evolve not only from receiving sexual energy, but also from the joy of stimulating one's partner. Sex, then, is a commitment of give and take.
Finally, the women Dr. Ogden studied have their own concepts of safe sex, essential to experiencing sexual pleasure and ecstasy. This kind of safe sex does NOT relate to preventing STDs or pregnancy; it relates, instead, to emotional and spiritual safety. Such safety is CRUCIAL for sexual closeness. Most of the women insisted that warm, loving connections with themselves and with their partners were essential to and inseparable from the experience of sexual ecstasy.
When people feel deeply close while merely holding hands, they are having sex. When people display caring for each other through hugs, caresses, and kissing, they are also having sex. When connecting people in a crowded room wink at each other in their own secret way, they are communicating sex to each other; such non-contact sex can be excitedly arousing and emotionally fulfilling. And, of course, during sexual union when the sky seems to open so a lightning bolt can strike the couple--while fireworks ignite and the earth stops spinning-- this is sex, too.
But wait. Do men also need this almost spiritual connection to enjoy sex and achieve good health? Well, yes and no. Men need sex and men need emotional connection, but many men don't necessarily need to put the two together!
According to Dr. Bernie Zilbergelt, who wrote The New Male Sexuality, sex for women is intertwined with personal connection. For some men , sex is unto itself--an act to be engaged in with or without love, with or without commitment, with or without connection.
Presently, younger boys are being socialized in a more enlightened manner; consequently, male attitudes toward sexual union are changing. But,unfortunately, the socialization of many men born in or before the 60's provided very little information of value to the formation and maintenance of intimate relationships. These men were taught, as youths, that males showed love by doing, not by talking or "connecting" with girls.
"Fortunately, anyone can...restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow."
Older men were usually also socialized to be strong and self-reliant, which usually means one doesn't easily talk about or admit personal problems. Many such men do not acknowledge worries and fears to their partners; they simply try to handle everything on their own.
A consequence of such reticence is (1) lack of intimacy in the relationship, with the wife feeling "left out" of her husband's life; and (2) men often don't get what they need because they don't know how to ask for it, so they feel distanced and frustrated when they really want closeness and intimacy as much as their partner does.
Sex under these conditions creates distance in the relationship or creates sexual dysfunction which drives an even deeper wedge into the relationship. This is especially true if a man is married to a woman must be wanted by her husband to have her sexuality validated.
Consequently, sex routinely becomes mechanical, unfeeling, and unfulfilling. Fortunately, anyone can break this vicious cycle and restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow in the relationship.
"Good sex....Improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity."
Scientific evidence is accumulating support what many of us have suspected all along: good sex not only adds great enjoyment to our lives, but it also actually improves our health and may even contribute to our longevity.
In a new book called Sexual Healing, Dr. Paul Pearsall, Director of Behavioral Medicine at Detroit's Beaumont Hospital, writes that the joys and pleasures of living life and loving may provide us with something called an "intimacy inoculation" that actually protects us from disease.
Dr. Pearsall, who cites numerous other researchers, concludes, "Growing numbers of physicians now recognize that the health of the human heart depends not only on such factors as genetics, diet, and exercise, but also --to a large extent-- on the social and emotional health of the individual."
Sexual healing is achieved primarily through the daily challenge of maintaining a close, intimate relationship which, when accomplished, leads to balance between our health and healing systems.
Can lack of sexual intimacy create a risk factor for certain diseases? Dr. Pearsall cites research and his own clinical experience ndicating that sexual dissatisfaction seems to be prevalent prior to a heart attack in a high percentage of persons. Conversely, sexual contentment appears related to less severe migraine headaches, fewer and less-severe symptoms of premenstrual syndrome for women, and a reduction in symptoms related to chronic arthritis for both genders.
Although the exact biological mechanisms are not yet identified, many researchers are investigating how our thoughts, feelings, brain, immune system and sexual/genital system interact, influence each other, and affect our health. There may be an actual biological drive toward closeness, intimacy, and being connected to other human beings.
When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.
"Hormones that pour through the body help promote health and healing."
Does this mean that to live longer or be more healthy we just need to DO IT more often or better? Of course not! Sex is a much broader concept that genital connecting or having an orgasm. Psychologist and author Gina Ogden, Ph.D. notes in her book, "Women Who Love Sex", that sex has everything to do with openness, connection to and bonding with a partner, feelings about what is happening to us, and memories. For those who love it, sex permeates their lives and is not merely a specialized, time-intensive, physical activity that takes place under the covers--as quickly as possible.
As a result of interviewing many women, Dr. Ogden learned that sexual desire, or lust, was produced by much more than physical stimulation. For women, according to Dr.Ogden, it has more to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships: "Heart to heart, soul to soul, even mind to mind."
"For women, it has to do with feelings of connectedness in their relationships."
When discussing sexual connecting, Dr. Ogden's interviewees spoke of a FLOWING CONTINUUM OF PLEASURE, ORGASM, AND ECSTASY, rather than a one-time experience. They also described peak sexual experiences as coming from stimulation all over their bodies--not just from their genitals--including fingers, toes, hips, lips, neck, and earlobes.
Obviously, arousal and satisfaction evolve not only from receiving sexual energy, but also from the joy of stimulating one's partner. Sex, then, is a commitment of give and take.
Finally, the women Dr. Ogden studied have their own concepts of safe sex, essential to experiencing sexual pleasure and ecstasy. This kind of safe sex does NOT relate to preventing STDs or pregnancy; it relates, instead, to emotional and spiritual safety. Such safety is CRUCIAL for sexual closeness. Most of the women insisted that warm, loving connections with themselves and with their partners were essential to and inseparable from the experience of sexual ecstasy.
When people feel deeply close while merely holding hands, they are having sex. When people display caring for each other through hugs, caresses, and kissing, they are also having sex. When connecting people in a crowded room wink at each other in their own secret way, they are communicating sex to each other; such non-contact sex can be excitedly arousing and emotionally fulfilling. And, of course, during sexual union when the sky seems to open so a lightning bolt can strike the couple--while fireworks ignite and the earth stops spinning-- this is sex, too.
But wait. Do men also need this almost spiritual connection to enjoy sex and achieve good health? Well, yes and no. Men need sex and men need emotional connection, but many men don't necessarily need to put the two together!
According to Dr. Bernie Zilbergelt, who wrote The New Male Sexuality, sex for women is intertwined with personal connection. For some men , sex is unto itself--an act to be engaged in with or without love, with or without commitment, with or without connection.
Presently, younger boys are being socialized in a more enlightened manner; consequently, male attitudes toward sexual union are changing. But,unfortunately, the socialization of many men born in or before the 60's provided very little information of value to the formation and maintenance of intimate relationships. These men were taught, as youths, that males showed love by doing, not by talking or "connecting" with girls.
"Fortunately, anyone can...restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow."
Older men were usually also socialized to be strong and self-reliant, which usually means one doesn't easily talk about or admit personal problems. Many such men do not acknowledge worries and fears to their partners; they simply try to handle everything on their own.
A consequence of such reticence is (1) lack of intimacy in the relationship, with the wife feeling "left out" of her husband's life; and (2) men often don't get what they need because they don't know how to ask for it, so they feel distanced and frustrated when they really want closeness and intimacy as much as their partner does.
Sex under these conditions creates distance in the relationship or creates sexual dysfunction which drives an even deeper wedge into the relationship. This is especially true if a man is married to a woman must be wanted by her husband to have her sexuality validated.
Consequently, sex routinely becomes mechanical, unfeeling, and unfulfilling. Fortunately, anyone can break this vicious cycle and restore closeness, intimacy, and sexual flow in the relationship.
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Briton arrested for sex attacks on sheep
LONDON (Reuters) - A Briton has been arrested on suspicion of carrying out a series of sex attacks on sheep, London police said on Friday.
The 27-year-old man was held at his home in Dulwich, south London, on suspicion of bestiality with sheep. He was also wanted in connection of the possession of drugs with intent to supply.
Detectives said the arrest followed allegations made to them in May and June.
"Two male joggers said they had observed a man molesting the sheep in a field at Botany Bay Lane, Chislehurst," police said in a statement.
"A similar incident was reported to police by a stables employee in the area."
Media reports said the man had been barred from visiting farmland while officers carried out their investigation.
The 27-year-old man was held at his home in Dulwich, south London, on suspicion of bestiality with sheep. He was also wanted in connection of the possession of drugs with intent to supply.
Detectives said the arrest followed allegations made to them in May and June.
"Two male joggers said they had observed a man molesting the sheep in a field at Botany Bay Lane, Chislehurst," police said in a statement.
"A similar incident was reported to police by a stables employee in the area."
Media reports said the man had been barred from visiting farmland while officers carried out their investigation.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
How To Deal With A Break-up
Does a break-up in your relationship look imminent? Is a divorce as the sordid end to your marriage only a matter of time, or so it seems? Is your partner rejecting you?
If your answer to either of the above questions was "yes", there might have been times when the situation appeared beyond repair, or you might in fact be finding yourself "checkmated by destiny", or so to say.
Well, what you've got to remember is that it's never all that bad; it's all in the mind. And however bad the position may be, there's always a way out! In fact, you could win your ex-lover back, be together with him again and letting pleasant memories be what they are- pleasant! And it's not like all this is next to impossible, for many have been there before and done that- girls have got their ex-lovers back and boys have recaptured lost love.
And they weren't necessarily coached into it by psychologists or counselors. In fact, it won't be an exaggeration to say that many of them made it by sheer accident. Maybe as a matter of chance, they did the right kinds of things, said what was appropriate, at the right time. Others had "almost" ruined their relationship to a point of no return and the pendulum could have swung either way.
To reiterate a point, all is never lost. There's always a ray of hope which you can build on. And why just a ray of hope, you could be learning from those who have been successful, follow some well-meaning advice and get your ex-lovers back into your arms! It sure isn't easy dealing with a break-up, but it isn't very difficult either!
It may so happen that you keep mulling over what went wrong in the relationship, and how you could have averted the "inevitable" in the relationship. The more you analyze, the more the pain and the hurt reveal themselves to you. And then, when you bump into your ex-lover, you might start it all over again with him or her- both of you might break out into an argument, and the roller-coaster ride may get back to square one, maybe even what might seem like a dark alley.
Why did the split happen? Men and women, both have specific needs, and if these don't get fulfilled, the relationship might be on the rocks. So instead of trying to make your partner see things from your standpoint, just make her realize that he or she still needs you. And you don't have to memorize big speeches and rattle them off in order to salvage the situation!
You need not plead before your ex-lover to take you back into his/her arms. In fact, that would only make the situation worse, for nobody wants miserable losers, and that may lead to a loss of self-esteem on your part. Following a plan might do you and your cause a world of good.
If your answer to either of the above questions was "yes", there might have been times when the situation appeared beyond repair, or you might in fact be finding yourself "checkmated by destiny", or so to say.
Well, what you've got to remember is that it's never all that bad; it's all in the mind. And however bad the position may be, there's always a way out! In fact, you could win your ex-lover back, be together with him again and letting pleasant memories be what they are- pleasant! And it's not like all this is next to impossible, for many have been there before and done that- girls have got their ex-lovers back and boys have recaptured lost love.
And they weren't necessarily coached into it by psychologists or counselors. In fact, it won't be an exaggeration to say that many of them made it by sheer accident. Maybe as a matter of chance, they did the right kinds of things, said what was appropriate, at the right time. Others had "almost" ruined their relationship to a point of no return and the pendulum could have swung either way.
To reiterate a point, all is never lost. There's always a ray of hope which you can build on. And why just a ray of hope, you could be learning from those who have been successful, follow some well-meaning advice and get your ex-lovers back into your arms! It sure isn't easy dealing with a break-up, but it isn't very difficult either!
It may so happen that you keep mulling over what went wrong in the relationship, and how you could have averted the "inevitable" in the relationship. The more you analyze, the more the pain and the hurt reveal themselves to you. And then, when you bump into your ex-lover, you might start it all over again with him or her- both of you might break out into an argument, and the roller-coaster ride may get back to square one, maybe even what might seem like a dark alley.
Why did the split happen? Men and women, both have specific needs, and if these don't get fulfilled, the relationship might be on the rocks. So instead of trying to make your partner see things from your standpoint, just make her realize that he or she still needs you. And you don't have to memorize big speeches and rattle them off in order to salvage the situation!
You need not plead before your ex-lover to take you back into his/her arms. In fact, that would only make the situation worse, for nobody wants miserable losers, and that may lead to a loss of self-esteem on your part. Following a plan might do you and your cause a world of good.
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
The Teen Oral Sex and Self-Esteem Connection: by Jennifer Sarpong
The Problem Jessica Weiner, author of A Very Hungry Girl, was called in to work with a group of 13-year-old girls who had given oral sex to boys on a school bus at a private school. She says casual oral sex is part of a larger problem.
"This is what peer pressure looks like," says Jessica. "Girls today are all in people-pleasing mode because they are completely disconnected from their bodies. At age 11 or 12 or younger they're going through puberty so their hormones and natural curiosity are there too,I don't want to shame us and blame us out of feeling positive about sex and sexuality but when you're caught on the back of the school bus giving oral sex...it's about not having any sense of self which is dangerous. It sets them up for other poor choices, for eating disorders and other addictions. It sets the pattern that they're not worthy."
Not having the sense of self is a major reason why teen oral sex is so prevalent today. Most girls who engage in oral sex are not just “promiscuous†or what people call “sluts†or just “hornyâ€. Instead, they have relationship dependency.
(You can read more about this at www.help-my-self-esteem.com/relationship-dependency.html)
Relationship Dependency- is when a person looks to another person with the goal of fulfilling a void inside themselves no matter how shallow the means are. Relationship dependency is also deeply tied to self-esteem. Indulging in it sets up a person for other negative choices and behaviors such as addictions and eating disorders.
True intimacy just like any other thing worth having, takes time, and involves investment, and causes us to risk being emotionally vulnerable. After the superficial erotic image has faded, after all the stories are told, after all the sexual fantasies have been explored, then emptiness and the need for acceptance come right back again.
The girls of Sex and the City always ended up in the same places, in the same bars and restaurants, moping around and telling their same sad stories about failed relationships because the relationships were based on sex rather than what should be a solid foundation.
Data shows that most people in extramarital affairs or recreational sex with multiple partners feel they “need change†and deserve to be understood and appreciated. So they use that need to justify “playing around.†In reality these people are afraid to make deep changes in their lives that would offer them more permanent support. Think about it for a minute. How many genuinely deep fulfilling relationships are made in the “Hookup†Culture?â€
Isn’t It Safer to Have Oral Sex?
A huge number of teens think oral sex is has basically no risk. “I mean, you can’t get pregnant right?†“Of course it’s fine, it’s not ‘real sex.’ They also think oral sex is disease free, but that is absolutely incorrect. Truth is, all sex acts, including oral sex put you at risk of getting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) ie HIV the virus that causes AIDS. Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea and the human papilloma virus (HPV) are other common STIs that can be passed through oral sex. Even if both partners think their status is “cleanâ€, there are many STIs that do not show symptoms.
"This is what peer pressure looks like," says Jessica. "Girls today are all in people-pleasing mode because they are completely disconnected from their bodies. At age 11 or 12 or younger they're going through puberty so their hormones and natural curiosity are there too,I don't want to shame us and blame us out of feeling positive about sex and sexuality but when you're caught on the back of the school bus giving oral sex...it's about not having any sense of self which is dangerous. It sets them up for other poor choices, for eating disorders and other addictions. It sets the pattern that they're not worthy."
Not having the sense of self is a major reason why teen oral sex is so prevalent today. Most girls who engage in oral sex are not just “promiscuous†or what people call “sluts†or just “hornyâ€. Instead, they have relationship dependency.
(You can read more about this at www.help-my-self-esteem.com/relationship-dependency.html)
Relationship Dependency- is when a person looks to another person with the goal of fulfilling a void inside themselves no matter how shallow the means are. Relationship dependency is also deeply tied to self-esteem. Indulging in it sets up a person for other negative choices and behaviors such as addictions and eating disorders.
True intimacy just like any other thing worth having, takes time, and involves investment, and causes us to risk being emotionally vulnerable. After the superficial erotic image has faded, after all the stories are told, after all the sexual fantasies have been explored, then emptiness and the need for acceptance come right back again.
The girls of Sex and the City always ended up in the same places, in the same bars and restaurants, moping around and telling their same sad stories about failed relationships because the relationships were based on sex rather than what should be a solid foundation.
Data shows that most people in extramarital affairs or recreational sex with multiple partners feel they “need change†and deserve to be understood and appreciated. So they use that need to justify “playing around.†In reality these people are afraid to make deep changes in their lives that would offer them more permanent support. Think about it for a minute. How many genuinely deep fulfilling relationships are made in the “Hookup†Culture?â€
Isn’t It Safer to Have Oral Sex?
A huge number of teens think oral sex is has basically no risk. “I mean, you can’t get pregnant right?†“Of course it’s fine, it’s not ‘real sex.’ They also think oral sex is disease free, but that is absolutely incorrect. Truth is, all sex acts, including oral sex put you at risk of getting an STI (sexually transmitted infection) ie HIV the virus that causes AIDS. Chlamydia, herpes, gonorrhea and the human papilloma virus (HPV) are other common STIs that can be passed through oral sex. Even if both partners think their status is “cleanâ€, there are many STIs that do not show symptoms.
Girl On Girl: Hot Tips For First Time Lesbian Lovers!
OK...you can't fight it any more; you've always know that you had lesbian tendencies or were, at the very least bi-curious, and now you've decided to explore, explore, EXPLORE...
First off, you've got meet Miss Right (or even Miss Right Now!) and a niche dating site like PlanetSappho is a great place to start. You arrange a date - she's just what you were hoping for...and tonight's really IS the night..so hold on tight...
1) Making out. While making out Lesbian Move #1 can be used, namely you putting one of your legs between hers and grinding it up so that every once in a while it hits the clitoris through her pants. If done by a master of the technique (which I am not, but was done to me) climax can be acheived whilst the bottom is STILL wearing pants.
2) Clothing still on, but hands roaming around in the shirt, touching bare skin.
3) Bra removal (while shirt is still on!) **Important Note** - To mask killing the mood whilst fumbling at the catches, suck on her neck a bit so that she's not thinking about how clumsy you are.
4) LOTS of licking/ear sucking.
5) Shirt/total bra removal.
6) Kissing/licking/sucking upper chest and collarbone area. Optional: If you're a bit buff, reach behind her and like, hug her to you whilst doing this, tightish embraces at this point work fabulously.
7) NO BREASTS YET! Torso Teaser: Take your tongue and run it all the way down (roughly in a straight line between her breasts) until you get to the waistline of her pants, then kiss/lick/suck her stomach and work your way up.
8) NOW you can start in on breasts, but nipple work is last. Swirling your tongue has some fabulous facets to it, as does sucking. BDSM Option - Okay, NOT TOO HARD but just lightly enough to make it shocking, throw in a bit of a slow LIGHT bite, these are nipples here, don't be getting too hardcore with them!
9) Now we're ready for the big guns (since pretty much all of lesbian sex is foreplay, also, if she makes moves to remove bits of your clothing LET HER! Lesbian sex is all about playing switch and taking turns getting one another off. Multiple orgasms in combination with alternating tops make it last a LONG time.
10) Work your way back up and start making out again, if at any time during steps 2-8 you want to break and make out some more, feel free to do so, these are guidelines, not play by play scenarios, sex is a freestyle sport. Also, taking a breast (or two) in hand and kneading it (kinda like dough) is rather helpful every now and again.
11) Work on neck/ear kiss/suck/lick-ing, whilst doing so, work on the buttons of her pants, and the fly. At this point depending on HOW naked the two of you are getting, you can either go for pant/underwear removal, or just work a hand down there. **Foreplay Bonus** - BEFORE you put your hand into her pants, spend some time kneading her inner thighs (through clothes) with some open handed squeezing.
12a) Second Party Masturbation: Okay, the key here is, just think about the things you like doing to yourself during masturbation, that, and FINDING the clitoris on another person, which may take awhile. Also, don't neglect the sides of the clitoris, and for Gods' sakes don't forget to relube every once in awhile. This can be taken care of rather hotly, take your middle finger and dip down, all nerves in the vaginal canal exist in the first 1/3rd of it after the opening anyway, so unless you're hunting down the G-spot or using a strap-on depth really doesn't matter all that much. Single finger penetration at this point, HOT! After you've gotten more lubrication, go back up and continue clitoral stimulation. Your hand is probably going to get excruciatingly tired, BUT KEEP GOING! Because you're probably going to have to speed up the tempo once your partner starts nearing climax, and that hurts like a bitch, but the payoff is worth it.
12b) Going Downtown: This requires total pant removal, to remove the awkwardness from the situation (ie, her pants/underwear are PROBABLY going to get stuck at some point) spend time, when something goes awry, kissing any available skin to make your partner feel sexy and not ridiculous because her pants are stuck. Okay, at this point, Pants/Underwear Are Now Off: There it is, in all of it's furred glory. Note: To make it easier on your partner you should really trim your bush down to a rather manageable size, because the last thing ANYONE wants to do is floss with your pubic hair, and yes, this DOES HAPPEN so be forewarned. Right, now we're working on foreplay-ish things, because that's what the majority of lesbian sex is (when considered by the hetero-realm), foreplay. So kiss/suck/lick her inner thighs, because they're highly sensitive, and if you're absolutely totally lost down there and can't even figure out WHERE the vaginal opening is (much less the clitoris) take ONE finger (depending on how totally gay your partner is, you may only be able to use one finger at ALL during all of this, some women are tighter than others) and do slow penetration again, and then drag it up her inner labial lips until you hit the clit, then you've found your treasure map X. Take your tongue and do the exact same thing you did with your finger, only you don't have to pull off penetration, just the slow upward stroke TO BE CONTINUED!
12c) G-spot: COMING SOON!
12d) Strap-ons: COMING SOON!
13) When ALL of this is over, you better not forget to cuddle! Lest you be likened to *gasp* some crude insensitive straight man. And who wants that?
Good Luck and Good Nights. This public service announcement brought to you to help young inexperienced lesbians everywhere!
First off, you've got meet Miss Right (or even Miss Right Now!) and a niche dating site like PlanetSappho is a great place to start. You arrange a date - she's just what you were hoping for...and tonight's really IS the night..so hold on tight...
1) Making out. While making out Lesbian Move #1 can be used, namely you putting one of your legs between hers and grinding it up so that every once in a while it hits the clitoris through her pants. If done by a master of the technique (which I am not, but was done to me) climax can be acheived whilst the bottom is STILL wearing pants.
2) Clothing still on, but hands roaming around in the shirt, touching bare skin.
3) Bra removal (while shirt is still on!) **Important Note** - To mask killing the mood whilst fumbling at the catches, suck on her neck a bit so that she's not thinking about how clumsy you are.
4) LOTS of licking/ear sucking.
5) Shirt/total bra removal.
6) Kissing/licking/sucking upper chest and collarbone area. Optional: If you're a bit buff, reach behind her and like, hug her to you whilst doing this, tightish embraces at this point work fabulously.
7) NO BREASTS YET! Torso Teaser: Take your tongue and run it all the way down (roughly in a straight line between her breasts) until you get to the waistline of her pants, then kiss/lick/suck her stomach and work your way up.
8) NOW you can start in on breasts, but nipple work is last. Swirling your tongue has some fabulous facets to it, as does sucking. BDSM Option - Okay, NOT TOO HARD but just lightly enough to make it shocking, throw in a bit of a slow LIGHT bite, these are nipples here, don't be getting too hardcore with them!
9) Now we're ready for the big guns (since pretty much all of lesbian sex is foreplay, also, if she makes moves to remove bits of your clothing LET HER! Lesbian sex is all about playing switch and taking turns getting one another off. Multiple orgasms in combination with alternating tops make it last a LONG time.
10) Work your way back up and start making out again, if at any time during steps 2-8 you want to break and make out some more, feel free to do so, these are guidelines, not play by play scenarios, sex is a freestyle sport. Also, taking a breast (or two) in hand and kneading it (kinda like dough) is rather helpful every now and again.
11) Work on neck/ear kiss/suck/lick-ing, whilst doing so, work on the buttons of her pants, and the fly. At this point depending on HOW naked the two of you are getting, you can either go for pant/underwear removal, or just work a hand down there. **Foreplay Bonus** - BEFORE you put your hand into her pants, spend some time kneading her inner thighs (through clothes) with some open handed squeezing.
12a) Second Party Masturbation: Okay, the key here is, just think about the things you like doing to yourself during masturbation, that, and FINDING the clitoris on another person, which may take awhile. Also, don't neglect the sides of the clitoris, and for Gods' sakes don't forget to relube every once in awhile. This can be taken care of rather hotly, take your middle finger and dip down, all nerves in the vaginal canal exist in the first 1/3rd of it after the opening anyway, so unless you're hunting down the G-spot or using a strap-on depth really doesn't matter all that much. Single finger penetration at this point, HOT! After you've gotten more lubrication, go back up and continue clitoral stimulation. Your hand is probably going to get excruciatingly tired, BUT KEEP GOING! Because you're probably going to have to speed up the tempo once your partner starts nearing climax, and that hurts like a bitch, but the payoff is worth it.
12b) Going Downtown: This requires total pant removal, to remove the awkwardness from the situation (ie, her pants/underwear are PROBABLY going to get stuck at some point) spend time, when something goes awry, kissing any available skin to make your partner feel sexy and not ridiculous because her pants are stuck. Okay, at this point, Pants/Underwear Are Now Off: There it is, in all of it's furred glory. Note: To make it easier on your partner you should really trim your bush down to a rather manageable size, because the last thing ANYONE wants to do is floss with your pubic hair, and yes, this DOES HAPPEN so be forewarned. Right, now we're working on foreplay-ish things, because that's what the majority of lesbian sex is (when considered by the hetero-realm), foreplay. So kiss/suck/lick her inner thighs, because they're highly sensitive, and if you're absolutely totally lost down there and can't even figure out WHERE the vaginal opening is (much less the clitoris) take ONE finger (depending on how totally gay your partner is, you may only be able to use one finger at ALL during all of this, some women are tighter than others) and do slow penetration again, and then drag it up her inner labial lips until you hit the clit, then you've found your treasure map X. Take your tongue and do the exact same thing you did with your finger, only you don't have to pull off penetration, just the slow upward stroke TO BE CONTINUED!
12c) G-spot: COMING SOON!
12d) Strap-ons: COMING SOON!
13) When ALL of this is over, you better not forget to cuddle! Lest you be likened to *gasp* some crude insensitive straight man. And who wants that?
Good Luck and Good Nights. This public service announcement brought to you to help young inexperienced lesbians everywhere!
How To Achieve A Fulfilling Sexual Relationship
An active and healthy sex life is usually a source of great pleasure and enjoyment, but it can also cause a great deal of stress between couples. Even if you have a fulfilling sex life that satisfies your desires, you may still worry about how normal your relationship is compared to other couples.
A great sex life is not dependant on frequency or performance and each person will have their own definition of what constitutes a fulfilling sexual relationship. If your sex life satisfies your desires and makes you and your partner feel good you have nothing to worry about and you should not be concerned with what other people get up to in the bedroom.
Its common for couples to wonder how normal their sex life is and compare it with their friends and people they know to see if there are any differences. The problem is that there is no single definition of what a normal sex life actually is and each person will have their own opinion about it. What one person thinks is normal may not be for someone else.
With so many different cultural and religious beliefs in today's society, its impossible to define exactly what a normal sex life actually is. Couples may even disagree with each other about what a normal sexual relationship should be so its important to find a compromise that will meet each other's needs.
While the average married couple may have intercourse several times per week, it doesn't mean that this is a normal sex life that all couples should strive to achieve. Some couples may only have intercourse once per week or every few weeks, while other couples may have intercourse as many as twenty times or more per week.
A fulfilling sexual relationship should be whatever makes you happy, so it doesn't matter about the frequency and performance, as long as both you and your partner are satisfied. No matter how many times you have intercourse per week, its within the range of normal human experience and should not be considered abnormal.
We all have our own sexual fantasies and desires, but as long as they don't lead to emotional or physical discomfort they should not be a cause for concern. Achieving harmony in a relationship, both emotionally and physically, should be the first priority as this will lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life between you and your partner.
A great sex life is not dependant on frequency or performance and each person will have their own definition of what constitutes a fulfilling sexual relationship. If your sex life satisfies your desires and makes you and your partner feel good you have nothing to worry about and you should not be concerned with what other people get up to in the bedroom.
Its common for couples to wonder how normal their sex life is and compare it with their friends and people they know to see if there are any differences. The problem is that there is no single definition of what a normal sex life actually is and each person will have their own opinion about it. What one person thinks is normal may not be for someone else.
With so many different cultural and religious beliefs in today's society, its impossible to define exactly what a normal sex life actually is. Couples may even disagree with each other about what a normal sexual relationship should be so its important to find a compromise that will meet each other's needs.
While the average married couple may have intercourse several times per week, it doesn't mean that this is a normal sex life that all couples should strive to achieve. Some couples may only have intercourse once per week or every few weeks, while other couples may have intercourse as many as twenty times or more per week.
A fulfilling sexual relationship should be whatever makes you happy, so it doesn't matter about the frequency and performance, as long as both you and your partner are satisfied. No matter how many times you have intercourse per week, its within the range of normal human experience and should not be considered abnormal.
We all have our own sexual fantasies and desires, but as long as they don't lead to emotional or physical discomfort they should not be a cause for concern. Achieving harmony in a relationship, both emotionally and physically, should be the first priority as this will lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life between you and your partner.
How Couples Can Deal With Different Levels Of Sexual Desire: by Tristan Bailey
We all have different levels of interest in sex and our libido can fluctuate quite dramatically throughout our lifetime, especially as we get older. Couples who have small differences in sexual desire can manage the situation relatively easily, but problems can occur when the disparity is much larger.
When one person desires sex more often than their partner it can have a negative impact on a relationship, and if not dealt with, the situation can become intolerable. When there is a massive difference in the level of sexual desire between two people in a relationship it can be very hard to find a solution that will satisfy each other's needs.
The person who has a lower level of sexual desire will often feel pressured to do something that they don't feel like doing and over time this can lead to resentment and anger. As the situation gets worse they will start to lose interest in sex altogether and their level of sexual desire will decrease even further.
The person who has a higher level of sexual desire will often feel unloved, deprived, and desperate because they are not getting what they want and need from the relationship. As the situation gets worse they will start to want sex even more frequently and their level of sexual desire will increase even further.
This creates a vicious circle where one person's sexual desire increases while the other person loses all interest and this can result in the relationship becoming unbearable. But while this is a serious problem, it can be resolved if both parties are willing to make an effort to accommodate for each other's differences.
Its a delicate balance between not pressuring one person to have sex when they don't want to, and making sure the other person's sexual needs are being met adequately. If this problem has existed for a long time during a relationship the situation may have become so bad that the help of a therapist may be required to try and resolve it.
To solve this problem, the person with the lower level of sexual desire must be willing to provide sexual satisfaction to their partner in ways that don't involve intercourse. As well as not being forced to have intercourse when they are not aroused, they may also gain pleasure from pleasing their partner.
Doing this will reduce the pressure for more frequent sex from the person with a higher level of sexual desire and they will regain the feeling that their partner cares about their needs. The other person may also experience an increased level of sexual desire because they are not being forced to have intercourse and there is less strain on the relationship.
When one person desires sex more often than their partner it can have a negative impact on a relationship, and if not dealt with, the situation can become intolerable. When there is a massive difference in the level of sexual desire between two people in a relationship it can be very hard to find a solution that will satisfy each other's needs.
The person who has a lower level of sexual desire will often feel pressured to do something that they don't feel like doing and over time this can lead to resentment and anger. As the situation gets worse they will start to lose interest in sex altogether and their level of sexual desire will decrease even further.
The person who has a higher level of sexual desire will often feel unloved, deprived, and desperate because they are not getting what they want and need from the relationship. As the situation gets worse they will start to want sex even more frequently and their level of sexual desire will increase even further.
This creates a vicious circle where one person's sexual desire increases while the other person loses all interest and this can result in the relationship becoming unbearable. But while this is a serious problem, it can be resolved if both parties are willing to make an effort to accommodate for each other's differences.
Its a delicate balance between not pressuring one person to have sex when they don't want to, and making sure the other person's sexual needs are being met adequately. If this problem has existed for a long time during a relationship the situation may have become so bad that the help of a therapist may be required to try and resolve it.
To solve this problem, the person with the lower level of sexual desire must be willing to provide sexual satisfaction to their partner in ways that don't involve intercourse. As well as not being forced to have intercourse when they are not aroused, they may also gain pleasure from pleasing their partner.
Doing this will reduce the pressure for more frequent sex from the person with a higher level of sexual desire and they will regain the feeling that their partner cares about their needs. The other person may also experience an increased level of sexual desire because they are not being forced to have intercourse and there is less strain on the relationship.
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